Pain Power Punished
by Red Scriptor
Summary: Pain. Power. Punished. Set after events of The Punisher- Season 1. Karen comes across a story that will change her forever and Frank as always- tries to shield her from the bad. Centred around two of Marvel's beautifully complex characters that I find myself inspired by. Frank and Karen's relationship changes and grows. Feedback valued. Rated 'M' for violence and intimate moments.
1. Chapter 1- We don't lie to eachother

**Pain. Power. Punished.**

 _ **Set after events of The Punisher- Season 1. Karen comes across a story that will change her forever and Frank as always- tries to shield her from the bad. Centred around two of Marvel's beautifully complex characters that I find myself entranced and inspired by.**_

I had spent weeks without seeing Frank, Matt was gone and even the promise from Foggy to always be there for me, had proven null and void. Being a journalist was challenging and demanding, it pushed me onwards to something I valued immensely- the truth. Though I wish that was enough to sate my life fully, it wasn't. Even when I'd have the relief of revealing the truth of an untold story to the world, I would come back to my deathly quite apartment and eat take out food alone. I would walk through the threshold and my eyes would play tricks on me, they would see Frank's silhouette in the curve of shadows and my heart would begin to race irrationally until I flicked the lights on to an empty room. I had no expectation he would return but beyond what was good for me, I hoped to have that surprise at the end of my long day- every long day but I was always greeted by silence. I could almost picture him now, staggering across the floor, most likely moving oddly groom broken bones, blood dripping onto my hard wood floor from many wounds and bruises assigned to every inch of his face. Yes, that I could imagine and yet he would manage to politely call me 'Ma'am' at least once and focus on me so intently as if the pain he must be in did not exist at all. I wondered if he felt the pain anymore, he never let on and I never asked. It was like that with so many things between us.

That night, I settled on my small desk and looked over the paperwork of my latest story that spilled over onto the floor either side of my work space. Four missing people in the last three weeks. Three male, one female all under the age of twenty five. The police were not getting anywhere quick, I knew that from my source with a badge. Today I'd visited the mother of a 19 year old boy named Toby. Thirteen days he's been missing and his mother looked like she'd lived a year for every hour her son wasn't found.

"He had his dinner on the table that night, but he…. He never came home. I knew right there something was wrong" she said, frowning into her lap where she squeezed her hands together tightly. I felt a sorrow for her, I could say nothing, no words made this kind of pain ease. So I leaned over and squeezed the woman's hands.

"He was always home for his dinner?" I asked. The woman sniffled then a laugh escaped.

"Toby was late sometimes but never for my chilli, he eats it in buckets" She smiled and I smiled too, embracing the woman's warm memories like my own. It wasn't hard for me to find a tie to people, to feel their pain or their joy. Sometimes if felt like a gift, other times it felt like a line to parts of myself I always knew to be there and always ignored…..Until I tried to understand and empathise with Frank Castle. I slowly became aware that the dark parts of me were rising in acknowledgment of his. Like metal drawn to a magnet. Even if it was deeply buried, the magnetic pull from Frank's darkness had made mine bleed through the surface. I had told others it was to understand his violence but if I was wholly honest, it was to understand mine.

"Is there anything that your son did irregularly leading up to the weeks he disappeared? Did he meet anyone new…. Anything you may have remembered?" I asked. I knew the police must have asked her but sometimes it was worth asking again.

"Nothing. He always plays his computer games when he's not at college. Well, and he volunteers at the shelter on Sundays….he's such a good kid" She said. Wiping away a tear that slid down her face.

"He sounds like a credit to you Mrs Preston. I can't think of anyone his age that volunteers" I said, careful not to upset her further. She smiled.

"Yes, he's never had a bad bone in his body. Just yesterday I found a card in down the couch- it was a thank you note from giving blood. He hadn't even told me he'd donated" She smiled sadly, a gentle sob rising from her chest. I sat back a little.

"May I see the card Mrs Preston?"

"Of course….."

The next day I had checked with my source and confirmed one other missing person visited that same blood bank, two days before she went missing. However, the two remaining boys had no known link. Even though everyone else seemed to think I was jumping ahead, I felt there was a connection here. Like a dog that caught the scent of meat, I would pursue this lead.

I sat in the chair, a nurse beside me and a needle draining the blood out my arm. I'm not fond of needles but I needed an excuse to question the staff at this centre.

"My friend let me know where to give blood. I've been meaning to do it for a while now" I said. Just a small smile from the nurse. It looked as if she deliberately was avoiding eye contact with me so I began to speak again. "He has dark hair, green eyes. 19. I don't suppose you seen him here?" I asked again. She sighed heavily.

"Day after day, people come in Miss" she said, seeming annoyed I'd asked.

"I was only asking because he's missing. See he's probably having a rebellious phase but his mother is worried sick. If you could take his name to check who assisted him with donation around two weeks ago it could help….." I stop short with the withdrawal of the needle being tugged out abruptly.

"Like I said, too many people come through to remember a name or face. Your done here now Miss" she handed me a card identical to the one that led me here and she backed out of the curtain.

Later that night I pushed the key into the lock of my front door and swung it open. Dark and quite again. I walking in and without dumping my bag down, I poured myself a drink. Out of my peripheral, I yet again thought I saw Frank's towering outline. I sighed, downed my drink and turned the light on.

"Karen" Sounded a voice unmistakable for anyone else's. My heart thudded harder and I turned to see Frank. He wore his normal clothes, Jeans, boots, a t-shirt that stretched over his broad chest and a Jacket slung over that- All dark colours but certainly not shadow. I gripped my chest.

"Jesus Frank!" I exclaimed. I hadn't realised I had already got one hand on the weapon in my bag. He put his hands up in front of him, a calm exterior as always. I put the bag on the counter and pulled Frank to me. He was reluctant but finally put his arms down and settled into the embrace. I breathed in his scent, and it made me feel at ease. I pulled away. "You never came back. I didn't know what had happened to you. Again" I said, unable to mask the hurt.

"I had some things to take care of" he said, his voice deep and raspy as if gravel continuously rattled in his throat.

"And they are taken care of now?" I asked. The light hit his face, mound of scars were highlighted and his broken and re-broken nose emphasised. All of that and he still carried a charm, a sense of attractiveness I couldn't ignore. He looked at me, so focussed and intent.

"How are you Karen?" He asked. I took a breath. I looked down only to feel the rough skin of his gentle hand on my chin. The touch alone sent shivers down me. "Remember we don't lie to each other, not us" he said.

"No Frank, we don't. But we don't tell each other everything either. You don't tell me anything anymore" I said, walking away to sit on the couch. He followed, sitting beside me.

"Karen, the things I do….you don't need to hear that. The things I see…. You don't have to picture that when you close your eyes. I don't want you to" he said. I ran my fingers through my loose curls, brushing the heap backwards.

"Then why are you here? What do you want?" I asked, steadily. He rubbed his face with his hands.

"Karen, something's going on out there. People, they are being taken and I need you to stop looking into it" he said, the words were stated as a fact.

"How do you know I'm looking into it?"

"When you investigate Karen, it's never quietly. You go around shaking every tree you see, at the same time not noticing all the shit falling out around you" he said, with a slight curve of his lips on one side but the same stern tone.

"Are you kidding me Frank? Appose to your ever so subtle approach of torture and execution?" I said, in disbelief. He sighed, waited a moment and lifted his hand to place it on my face. His eyes were big and they captured me. His solid, intimating frame, cautiously moved inched forward. I gulped as quiet as I could, even though I knew he saw how he affected me, I was keeping no big secret from him there.

"Karen, you could get hurt. I can't let that happen and you know if I get involved there's no lawful arrests and fair trials, I hit um so they can't get back up again" he said.

"How about you can let me get on with my job. What it is with men and their patriarchal bullshit? I carry a gun, I've used it before and if I have to….. I will use it again" I said, hating him for making me say it out loud. I stood, facing away from him and before I built the strength to tell him to go, I felt his hand slip into mine. My fingers tightened before I could stop them. I looked into Frank's eyes.

"I can't lose you Karen" He whispered, his voice broke as if he were being torn up. I turned and felt his head rest on my shoulder as I stood there, I wrapped my arms around him, his short hair prickling against my neck. To be here, so close to him, to feel his warmth and hold him in my arms was something that made me want to cry with sweet joy- and cry with helplessness that I couldn't lessen his pain. Franks suffering won't stop until his heart does, a fact he carried plain on his face to see every remaining day of his life. As I knew him more and spent more time in this confusing, dangerous loop with him, I carried more of his suffering with me also. I feared that I would carry it- to a degree- for the rest of my life now. I ran my fingers through his hair, rubbing his scalp where I could find the spaces with no raised scars. He lowered his shoulders, relaxing a little. As I felt his head on my fingertips I recalled the X-Rays of that same skull. It was first time I'd seen anything to do with Frank. A white outline of the bones that encased his brain and a prominent hole to the left side. Frank was shot in the head the day his family was massacred. Something that had always come back to me, was being told Frank's life support was shut off but as his heart began to still, he woke. Even then, he was saying 'fuck you' to the corrupt system, to the ones that wanted him dead and those same ones that included his family in that. That drive that brought him back, dragged him through the hell of actually living again . His pain was so staggering it rivalled death and although I couldn't condone his methods, I had to admit to excusing it.

I remember the conversation with Matt where he realised this and I saw the surprise and….disappointment on his face that I was able to justify a killers actions. Matt was a catholic and it's something I loved about him from the beginning. He had strict morals, a sense of what was right in the world and that had always made me admire him. That's until he told me he was Daredevil. The Devil of Hell's Kitchen- handing his helmet out to me in proof. He judged me that night in his apartment when I'd come out with it and said Frank's methods were affective. When in fact, he'd been guilty of something Frank wasn't, being two people. A life covered in lies to support his other one. Even now, after everything, it still stung and I wished I could now more than ever- let it go. Matt was gone and even if he wasn't dead like everyone thought, he was still not here. Why do I have doubts of his death? I hadn't seen his body, I hadn't pulled back the sheet and witnessed him pale and still. I hadn't looked upon his face and knew his eyes would never again open. Frank had been assumed dead and he sat in my apartment, face muffled into the curve of my neck, my arms keeping him there. Foggy was truly broken with Matt's death, understandable as close as they had been for years. However, when I tried to muster that same emotion for a man- despite his misgivings- whom I had loved, I felt a vacant and empty. My gut says it's one of two things; Matt isn't really gone or I have spent so long in the dark there's no hope in clawing my way back out.

Frank stood, withdrawing from the tender seconds we shared. I was torn between wanting more than few seconds and knowing I'd never get them. Just then my phone chimed in my pocket, playing some basic three note tune for a text. I looked down at the screen after typing the passcode in, and my eyebrow pulled together.

….Miss Page, following your donation we urge you to return to the clinic regarding an abnormality in your blood donated….

The message continued to say a time the following day, again urging me to attend. My mind began to tick in a suspicious way.

"What is it?" Frank urged, reading me like a book. His words repeated in my head 'we don't lie to each other- not us'.

"I gave blood today, I was following a lead. Two of the missing people had visited the same centre shortly before they disappeared. They just sent me this" I said, turning the screen to face him. His eyes narrowed with the same suspicion I had.

"So what are you thinking? They use this as a cover to lure people in and abduct them?" Frank asked. His mind grinding the cogs just as mine was. I shrugged, running my fingers through my locks again.

"I guess I need pull at this thread to find out"

"Karen, on my watch- no one touches you" he said, deep conviction his raspy voice. I took a breath.

"Frank, there are parents out there, crying for their kids to come home…." I said. The words froze him, his jaw tightened, he shoulders tensed. His eyes wandered to a place I couldn't follow.

"I'll have your back tomorrow ma'am" he stated.

Just now I was realising he was free from his usual bruised complexion and bloody exterior.

Had he stopped the fighting? I didn't want to be the thing that tempted his trigger finger if that was the case.

"Frank….. no killing. Make that promise to me" I whispered. There was a static moment, he looked off to the side, seeming to avoid my gaze for a moment.

"We don't lie to each other….remember?"


	2. Chapter 2- Trouble

**CHAPTER 2**

 ** _This chapter is a bit darker so just wanted to put a 'violence' note before it. It's just how it progressed as I wrote it. Thank you for the interest! I might do the next chapter from Frank's point of view but not sure yet? - Red_**

Frank waited outside the clinic, somewhere blending into the shadows. The place seemed empty today. When I gave blood yesterday, it wasn't particularly packed but I must have seen half a dozen other people there besides the staff. The automatic door slid open to the clinic reception. There was no one at the front desk, not a whisper or creak around me. I waited anxiously but patiently for a minute. Then, I saw a little gold bell resting on the surface of the desk and a sign that read 'ring for assistance'. I took my index finder and tapped it against the top. No ding sounded out. I sighed with annoyance and went to push it harder. With this attempt, I felt the shiny gold button unstick and descend into the base. The force rang out the bell but I also felt a sharp sting in my fingertip. I hissed with short intake of breath, pulling it away to glance down- only to find my hand swaying, blurring and eventually disappearing behind the darkness of my eyelids. I knew I was falling but before I felt the pain of the impact from the floor, I lost consciousness.

Somewhere high-pitched noises sounded. It rang in an off/on rhythm that continued relentlessly. I could feel my chest heave up heavily, with breathing more of chore than it should be. My body felt tired, my lids weighed down. The screeching had become louder as if my hearing was focussing, like tuning a radio. In the background, I thought I heard voices yelling. Then when the air cracked with the sound of gunfire my eyes shot open. As reality came back to me, I became aware my arms were pinned to my sides. Straps bound me to the metal frame of a fold up bed that was railed either side. There was no way to avoid it; I felt the panic flood my system, my eyes darting around me to take in the scene. Along one side of a constricted corridor, identical beds lined the wall. On them were half a dozen other people, gagged and bound. Their clothes soiled and crease, their arms scattered with bruised needle holes, their bodies each distorted in some way. The girl next to me stared into the wall opposite us, not even the slightest reaction when I called out to her. Dried blood streaked down the one ear that faced me. It took me longer than it should have to realise the girl wasn't staring at anything, nor would she ever again.

"Oh G… God" I stammered. I turned my head away, but I could still see her vacant eyes, as if she'd been emptied of hope- of fear- of everything that made a person human. Tears broke free, coming hard down my face. The screeching I now knew to be the alarm beckoning overhead. The other victims were bleeding and broken. One was having seizures, pulling vigorously against his restraints. Another had bloodshot eyes that raged in the dim light of the narrow space we shared. More shots echoed from behind the door at the end of the corridor. Then, through it strode in two men. Surgical masks covered their faces and they wore black scrubs, aiding to the conceal blood stains.

"We need to go. Now!" One shouted to the other.

"You know what needs to be done. No test subject alive" He ordered, cocking his gun back. I screamed as the first bed became soaked in blood and brains. I squeezed my eyes shut, they stung from the fear and the shock. Another shot rang out, then another. My heart hammered in my chest and threatened to give out before it was my turn. Every inch of me was slick with sweat and my wrists hurt from the struggle against the restraints.

"Stop!" I cried out. They didn't and as I looked over at the last one alive, I saw a familiar face. A face I'd saw in only photographs. As the shot rang out his name fell out of my lips. "Toby". I didn't have time to feel the swell of loss for his mother whom I'd seen just yesterday. He had been one of the ones missing, and now I'd found him and failed him in one fell swoop. With every bit of strength in my muscles that I could gather, I tipped myself over. The bullet that was meant for me, pinging on the underside of my metal bed. My shoulder hurt, so did my hip as the side railings dug into it. I waited for them to try again, to hear the bullet leave the chamber but the only thing that filled the air was their screams. I heard flesh hitting flesh, the slicing of skin and I heard a familiar gravelled voice. I sobbed quietly, the floor catching my tears. I couldn't see him but I felt him as I always did. As bad as I knew it was, I was glad he was giving them the ends they deserved. Then, Frank's hands touched my face, they were not hesitant like they usually were when he touched me. They cupped my cheeks as if savouring the feeling of my skin. His dark eyes were wide and full of worry. Blood splattered over him, already drying on his face. This was the Frank that was seared into my memory at night, when I settled under the covers and closed my eyes. This was the Frank that haunted my mind. He cut me free, sliding his fingers into my hair and tilting my head towards him.

"Did they hurt you?" He asked. I tried to focus on his words.

"I don't think so. Oh God…. Frank" I said with a broken voice, looking at the bodies. He helped me to stand, his face solemn but focussed.

"I know Karen…. I know. We've gotta go, nothing more we can do now" He said.

"Why would they do this Frank? What were they doing here?" I asked. Under his jacket something was hidden and when he pulled one side open a thin folder of papers sat there.

"I'm hoping there's some light to be shed in these" He started to walk me forward but I stumbled, my legs either weak from the drugs or the shock. It didn't take him long to bend down and lift me into his arms. When we reached the corridor more bodies lay mangled in our path. I pressed my face into Frank's neck so hard, so completely- that I could see nothing, that I could smell only his skin, that I could hear only the steady thump of his pulse. I felt his muscles move under me as he walked, my weight not affecting his stride at all. My hands balled up fistfuls of his t-shirt underneath his jacket. I focussed on the stubble on his chin and every time my mind wondered to violent images, I rubbed my face against the prickles there to bring me back into sound mind. It was a small thing but it worked in that moment when I was desperate to keep my sanity. When I felt the wind on my face I opened my eyes and realised I'd been moved away from the clinic in the time I'd been unconscious. It was an industrial estate that looked abandoned. How many hours had I lost? How many hours had Frank hunted for me and how many bodies had he left on his heels?

I stood under the water, making the shower as hot as I could handle. When I first stepped in, I cried into the water pressure. I cried for those I couldn't help and I cried because the vicious memories pressed on me like an anchor on my chest. The minutes bled into each other and I stood until my legs gave out. Then I sat hugging my knees, my back pressed against the side of the tub as the water poured over my head. Minutes passed again until the water shut off and the shower curtain slid to one side.

"Shhh" Frank soothed. He wrapped a towel around me and stroking my drenched hair. He moved quickly, confidently as always but trembled a little when his hand brushed my bare shoulder. "Shhh…. There's nothing you could have done Karen. You hear me? You went further than anyone else to try and save them" He stated. His jacket was off now, my hair was making his top wet as I leaned back on it.

"No matter what I do, people keep dying around me" I said, my voice hardening. It had been that way since before I'd come to Hell's Kitchen and it was like it now. There was a moment of silence.

"Murdoch…. It hurts you that he's gone" Frank said. I blinked, Matt. Yes, Matt was gone.

"Matt never let me help him, he never let me into that world" I said. He was crouched down on the tiled floor outside of the tub, eyes boring into me.

"When…. When you care that much for someone, there's nothing- nothing that you wouldn't do to stop them seeing the darkest parts of your soul"

"Is that… what you did…with Maria?" I asked hesitantly. His jaw tightened as it did always before he spoke of his wife.

"If you can hide something from the person that knows you the best, it almost makes the lie real. A way of denying the demon" He said. I thought about it, how Matt had been with me.

"I was angry at him, Frank. I was angry for hiding who he really was from me but I didn't realise until he was gone…. That I had no right to be. For as much as he kept from me, I kept from him" I confess. I didn't realise I needed to say it out-loud until I did.

"Not everyone can find the acceptance they need in the ones they love"

"You accept me" I said. A second passed before the air grew thick with tension. I'd unintentionally told Frank I'd loved him and I was curled up in my bathtub, wearing nothing but a towel and the crimson on my cheeks.

He stood to hold an arm up for me and I stepped out, holding the towel with the other hand. I went into my bedroom and pulled on comfy things, leaving my strawberry-blond hair wet. When I walked back into the living room I noticed he'd washed up also and he was now pinning papers to my wall. Files from the folder he stole no doubt. The TV was on in the background but I tuned it out. I took a hard stare at the wall; my eyes being drawn to the word ' **Terrigenesis Experiment'** in bold.

"They were experimenting on people" I let out a breath.

"Whatever they were doing I don't believe this ends with a botch set-up in an industrial building" Frank said and of course he was right.

"We need to take this to the police" I said. Frank's head turned towards me, his arms crossed over his chest. The darkness outside my window made us feel more secluded than we were. Frank pointed to the television and I focussed on the story in the background.

"They have already found the bodies but they wouldn't believe you if you told them everything now. We have to find them ourselves" He said.

"So you can take them yourself?" I asked.

"Do you think they are going to wait to take more people? Something has to be done now" He said. I began to feel a little dizzy so I sat down, holding the arm of the couch.

"Then why did you kill them all Frank? One of them could have given us something to go on" I asked. He grew quiet, his eyes avoiding mine. He rubbed his face with his hands, like he often did when he was stressed.

"Frank…...?" I asked again, in a softer tone. His fists were balled up so tight his knuckles were going white. Then he kneeled in front of me, still finding it difficult to meet my gaze.

"There was a moment back there Karen…..." His voice broke and faded out. He took a breath, his eyes closed. "…. that I thought you were dead" He said. With those words, the memory of his face in the dim light came back into view, how full of fear it had been. I touched the stubble on his jaw and traced the line of it with my fingers. My lips touched his forehead, placing a soft yet meaningful kiss there. He put one hand on my knee and I could feel the warmth of his skin through the thin fabric of my nightdress. As my lips lingered on his cheek, each second felt like a minute. With the touch of his face in one hand and the feel of his fingertips tracing my thigh, my heart sped away from me. I stayed still, perfectly still and I wished nothing more than for _him_ to come to _me_ from the dark place he'd lived in for so long. His head began to slowly turn to the side, his own lips hovering over mine now. My breath was heavy with anticipation and as he closed the space between us. The kiss was tender and savoured. Goosebumps covered my body as his tongue met mine, it was gentle and playful yet it made me want more. Then he leaned in a little further, lacing his fingers through my hair that was still wet from the shower. He pulled me right off my seat until I was knelt on the carpet with him, still our lips finding each other and moving with ease. When I whispered his name, he ran his fingertips down side of my neck, only to be followed by his teasing kisses. When he stopped I sighed with the absence of his touch, it was something I could never have known how much I wanted until he'd kissed me like that. Franks eyes were not staring off into the distance, thinking of his wife and the guilt there as I had partially expected. It focussed on the television and the news woman's voice.

"Police have officially confirmed one victim is alive and stable, making him the sole survivor of this gruesome crime. The victim was nineteen-year-old Toby Foster whom had been missing for two weeks…..."

"That's not possible. Toby is one of the missing people I was looking for and…. I saw him die in that place Frank. Shit…. was he still alive?" I said. Frank frowned and his eyes narrowed.

"No one in that building was alive but me and you Karen" Frank said, with certainty. My hand covered my mouth as I watched more of the report.

"We need to find out what he remembers" I said, standing upright and swaying a little. Frank supported me up and he led me to by bedroom.

"You need to rest Karen- please. You have been through a lot in a short time" He said as he lowered me on the cotton sheets.

"Your leaving" I said, the words came out quiet, laced with hurt. He shook his head.

"I'm going to watch over you tonight, to make sure your safe" He said. I couldn't help but smile at the way he spoke, tying to comfort me and it was working. He headed for the door.

"Frank?"

"Yea"

"Thank you…. for saving me again. For everything" I said. He smiled in the dark room.

"Thank you…. for reminding me that I am still alive" He said in almost a whisper.


	3. Chapter 3- Changed

**Chapter 3- Changed**

 ** _Franks point of view…I found this challenging as Frank is so complex and carefully crafted as a character but I'm glad I did this chapter from his side through Karen finding something out about herself. I was trying to decide where to end this chapter as I have an important scene coming up I needed to work around. Thanks for the comments, I hope you enjoy and I look forward to thoughts on this chapter. - Red_**

The city lights speckled through Karen's apartment as I lay there, on her sofa. I doubt I'd sleep tonight, not because of the humming lights but because Karen was so close and it was my job to make sure no one took her again, or hurt her, or added to the mess of shit she'd been pulled through. The bedroom door was ajar and although I couldn't see her, I heard her heavy breathing over the slight rain outside. I focussed on the rhythm of it and it gave me a sense of grounding. With anyone else, it would be easy to safe guard them but Karen neglected her own self-preservation when her passion took over… and she was the most passionate person I'd ever known. As I kept her safe, I was close to her and as I was close to her I had been slipping…. into something. Now I had no war to fight in, my days were filled memories that cut me again and again- like barb wire in my chest. I had no illusions that would ever change and I didn't want it to. I hung to that pain, terrified to lose the last part of them and with them- my humanity. These days, there was just silence and in the silence, lay the worst torture. When David had used his 'Micro' skills to help me keep track of Karen, he had been hesitant- unsure. That was until I reminded him he'd done the same thing with his family not so long ago.

 _"_ _Look, I wouldn't be asking for anyone else…." I said. We were sitting in back to back booths at a diner way out of town. I hadn't wanted to put him or his family at risk, they'd been through enough shit._

 _"_ _Yea I get it Frank…. but I did that with Sarah and the kids because they were at risk"_

 _"_ _You heard Karen on the radio with that bomber, you read the article that she wrote to piss him off. she's always at risk. She's always putting herself in the line of fire- every line of fire. Look, I get it if you can't help" I said. I rubbed my face with my hands. David sighed, a silence hung in the air. He faced the opposite direction from his adjoined booth, as if we were not here together._

 _"_ _I owe you everything, I can't say no…."_

 _"_ _You don't owe me shit. We both know I got what I wanted" I said. He was cleanshaven and his shirt was ironed which I'd never seen in the time we spend together. Having his wife back was clearly good for his personal hygiene._

 _"_ _It's good to see you Frank. I've missed you"_

 _"_ _Come on, don't do that. Don't say you miss me- Jesus" I said. The people I care about get trampled over, pulverised into the pavement so it's best I stay away from that. Karen was different, she attracted just as much crap as I did and I found myself going insane at the rate she goes after trouble like it's an old friend._

 _"_ _Of course, I will help but do you really think Karen will be happy with this? Sarah…. she had my balls when she found out I'd been watching her" He said._

 _"_ _And she was alive to be pissed at you. I don't need pervy cameras inside her apartment. I just need one set up outside it, and a tracker on her phone would be good" I said._

 _"_ _Yeah, not pervy at all" He remarked._

 _"_ _I…. need this. I need to keep her safe and know that I can. I just do" I said._

 _"_ _Alright Frank. Alright" He said, his tone was understanding._

I wasn't hiding it from Karen, if she asked me, I would tell her. I would also tell her that camera pointed at her window would stay there whether she liked it or not. I knew she was in trouble because I'd been tracking her phone. I knew it was extreme but who was going to protect her if not me? The Devil was gone, not that he had ever been good at keeping her safe.

I recalled the first time I went to her apartment, her hands shook as she pointed the gun at me, her eyes wide and ready. Shortly after that, I had to pin her to her carpet to escape the wave of bullets coming at us. I remember the silence falling after the gunfire and how my thoughts kept veering to the feel of curves under me. I'd punished myself for those thoughts, every night with the guilt. Karen made me feel more than I ever thought I could again. She made me sick with worry I'd lose her. She made me smile with that filthy mouth of hers and how often she used it. She got that look in her eyes sometimes, the look like she'd do anything for me and evoked the same reaction back. Which brought me to the guilt, it was heavy and constant when I am around her.

When I'd seen her curled up and crying in the shower, all I knew is I needed her to be ok and as I touched her wet skin to wrap a towel around her, I'd realised there was a very real need to be close to her. She'd seen people die in that building and she had nearly had the same fate. I would have left tonight and finished all of them who had a hand in the twisted experiments on the people they took but there was no use in leaving when I'd have a better chance in finding them with Karen.

"Frank" Her voice was small, unsure and it had me springing up from where I lay. She was sat up in the bed, holding her head. Her strawberry blond hair cascaded over her face in messy waves. I sat next to her on the bed.

"You ok?" I asked.

"I just have a headache. Would you grab me some painkillers and water?" She asked, rubbing her temples. I did as she asked and she gulped them down immediately. I looked down to see her hand shaking a little.

"What's wrong with you?" She asked me, her eyes drooping a little from her fatigued state. I took her hand in mine and pressed it to my lips.

"I'm waiting for the day I don't have to worry about you" I said. Her lips tugged into a smile and her hand swept over my hair. It felt too good.

"Maybe I like it when you give me attention" She said, playfully.

"Ah, now it makes sense. Sniffing out danger to catch my eye- is that how it is sweetheart?" I asked to which she grinned even more. She shrugged.

"I didn't think calling you to catch a movie had the same flare to it" She said. Her smile filled her face and touched her eyes. It was beautiful just as she was. Her sight caught mine, those eyes which had a tenancy to hold me still even in chaos. Her lips were soft and so perfect to the touch- a pleasure I didn't deserve and yet was desperate for. Before I could tell her anything more, she gasped, grasping her forehead.

"Karen?!" She didn't answer, she just gave out stifled noises of pain until those sounds became shaper and more agonising. I held her tightly but she wouldn't respond. She just pressed both her hands to her head as if she were trying to hold it together and she let out screams. They went right through me; I'd hurt enough people to know the sound of agony. Then all sound stopped, she was still, her eyes closed. I frantically reached for a pulse. There was no doubt it was still strong but she still wouldn't wake. That's when I noticed a small pin prick at the side of her neck, mostly unnoticeable as it was hidden by her hair. I reached for her phone on the nightstand.

She'd been rushed into hospital. The paramedics had come bursting in after what felt like a lifetime of holding Karen in my arms. The only thing that kept me sane was the thump of her heart that still felt steady. They asked me questions to which I didn't have answers to and the only ones that knew were dead at my hand. This was my fault and if Karen died because of me…. It would be the last nail in my coffin. I now stood by her hospital bed, staring at the doctor who was telling me they had no idea what was wrong with her.

"You see doc, that woman in that bed is not going to die – so do something!" My voice had become loud and I knew it. The doctor was visible unsettled.

"I'm sorry doctor, what he means to ask is what will you be doing now to find out what's wrong with her?" Foggy Nelson stood on the other side of the doctor, and he had come at my request. Every person I spoke to was a risk that someone could recognise me from technically still being a fugitive. The last thing I needed was to be forced away from Karen right now.

"We are going to get Miss Page into an MRI soon, hopefully it will give us some answers" The doctor said.

"How soon?" I demanded.

"I'm sure as soon as they are able. Thank you, doctor" Nelson said, to which the doctor exited. I looked down at Karen, still and quiet.

"Look Frank, you aren't helping around here. Maybe you should go" I looked up at the lawyer with distain. He shifted nervously. "Ok, maybe not"

I paced the room a couple of times and turned to Nelson. "I have to see about a lead. You need to be here in case she wakes up" I said.

"Before you go anywhere. You are going to tell me what's going on, what you've got my friend into now" He said, disapproval in his voice. I knew he'd never taken a shine to me and he resented me further for the fact Karen had- I could see he cared for her.

"There is no time for that. I'm not going to leave the hospital, so I won't be gone long. Just stay with her"

"You don't have to tell me to stay with her like you're the only one who gives a crap Castle" He said frustrated. I ignored his tone and left the hospital room. I pulled my hood up closer over my face as I stalked the halls. I went up to the desk where a woman sat and I caught her eye. It didn't long to convince her to tell me which room the Toby kid was in, I spouted off some lie. In my experience people receive charming lies a lot better. I followed the room numbers until I came to the right one. His mother seemed to be with him and I waited until she left the room. I knew I had to be quick. Once inside, the boy in the bed stared wide eyed and alarmed. I put my hands up.

"Hey kid, it's alright. I'm not here to hurt you. My friend, she's here in the hospital like you. I know they did something to you in that place and they did something to her as well" I said.

"Stay away from me. Please. Please" He chanted, shielding his eyes from me as if that would make me go away. I moved closer and he squirmed. I lowered my voice, making myself slower and taking my time for him to understand.

"Toby, there's a girl who was trying to find you and she did. Do you remember a girl in the room with you? She has long, blond hair and blue eyes" I said. A moment passed before he was able to look me. He shook from head to foot.

"There was a girl…. In the dark. Just before…"

"Before what?"

"Before they shot me" He said. I looked him over. There were no holes in him that I could see, no injuries or even cuts or bruises. He seemed free of any wounds.

"Toby, I need to know kid. Can you remember anything about the ones that did this to you or what they did?" I asked.

"The girl was the last thing I saw" He muttered, his eyes drifting to somewhere else.

"Hey! That girl is in the hospital because of what they did. Can you remember anything that could help her?"

"They said we were the next batch. That we had the right blood to be changed"

"Changed into what?"

"Power. To have power we didn't have before" He said. The longer I spoke to him the more I began to think none of this would help. Then just, I was about to ask another question but he leaned down and ripped the IV out of his hand. I looked over it in confusion. A small amount of blood leaked from the hole in his vein and then in an instant the hole closed. His hand had healed as I stood there.

"They did shoot you in the head" I said. When I looked up he was crying, his eyes red and sore with emotion.

"I came back. It was so dark. So dark. Cold and everything hurt"

"Toby I'm going to get these pieces of crap, you hear me kid?" I promised. Tears still came down his face.

Karen's locks splayed out under her. Her eyes were open when I returned, talking to Nelson, holding his hand tightly in hers. "Karen! How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Tired and still have that damn headache but I'm alive. They must have done something to me Frank…." She began to panic so I took her free hand and squeezed.

"I'm working on it" I said, hoping to calm her. I didn't want to panic her with the facts- that she'd been put through some experimental treatment and I had no leads to where I could find the ones responsible. Seeing the state that Toby was in, was not comforting. She winced in pain.

"You…. Went to talk to Toby. He…. he…. He was shot and he healed?" She said. My eyebrows pulled together.

"How did you know that Karen?"

"What do you mean? You just said Toby was healed and you worried what they did to me" She said. I froze, looking up at Foggy who looked just as thrown.

"He never said anything like that Karen. Maybe I should get the doctor back in here again….?" Nelson said. Karen never responded to the question, she just winced through closed eyes again.

"God Foggy, please stop. Stop talking about Matt so much…. It still hurts too much" She pleaded. The lawyer's eyes widened. As soon a thought came into my head I heard Karen's voice again.

"Frank, that is ridiculous" She said.

"Karen, look at me. Look at my lips at the same time as listening to me" I told her. She opened her eyes and gave me her full attention. Then- in my head alone- I thought the words.

 ** _Karen? Can you hear me?_**

Karen smacked her hand over mouth, gasping with the realisation of the situation.

"What is going on?!" Foggy demanded.

"Holy shit Foggy. I can hear what you're thinking" She said, finally saying it. She withdrew her hands, scurrying up the bed. A minute passed, Karen seemed to be concentrating.

"I can't hear anything now" She said, I could see the hope in her eyes that it was some strange one-time occurrence but I was more suspicious. I handed my one palm out for her to take, encouraging her. As she took it with an unsteady hand, she winced once more.

 ** _You can hear me again, can't you?_**

Karen took great effort to steady her breathing then whispered one word.

"Yes. Oh no, no. How? Why?" She panicked.

"We are going to sort this, I swear to you Karen"

"I'm scared Frank. This can't be happening" She said. I took her face in my hands, she was trembling, her eyes were red and she was more pale than usual but even in this state she was beautiful. She blushed, making me realise that she'd known what I just thought.

"Hey, I'm not leaving you. You aren't alone Karen"

"It's not your job to take care of me Frank and it's not your fault if something happens"

"Karen don't…"

"Listen to me right now- we don't know what this is and I saw those other people that were taken. They were…. in bad shape and if I don't make it- that's not your fault. I pushed it. In no way is this on you" My fists balled up, anger boiled inside my chest. I stood- pacing again.

"Nothing's going to happen to you Karen. We will figure this out. No way in hell am I losing you to" I heard Nelson say to her. With that I bound my fist into the cream coloured wall, the pain greeting me in a familiar way.

"Frank?" Karen called. I ignored her. "Hey Punisher – look at me. Now" She demanded. I liked to hear the strength in her voice again, telling me what to do. I turned, looking down at her.

"You are going to pull it together. We have work to do" She said. So, I did what I had done for a long time; I let that burning rage inside my gut urge me onwards.

Down the hall, screams sounded, echoing through the hospital corridor hit us. I reached for the gun in my waistband that was hidden under the length of my jacket. Karen tried to get off the bed and I held up a hand. "We have to go"

"What's happening, has someone come for Karen?" Nelson questioned.

"They must be here for the boy that survived"

"Then we must get to him" Karen said as she pulled her jeans on under her gown, still looking weak. Foggy must have brought her something because I knew I wouldn't have thought of it. Then she turned to us and made a circle motion with her finger. Nelson immediately turned his whole body and I turned my head. She quickly swept a T- shirt over her head and a jacket over that before slipping flat shoes on.

"You and Nelson are going to get out of here, I'm not taking any chances"

"Yea…. that's not happening. I'm coming with you" She protested. I sighed heavily but she was already picking up speed down the hallway. I'd have to drag her back over my shoulder if I wanted to stop her.

"You aren't good for her" Nelson said.

"No shit" I said, annoyed at the obvious statement.

"Then leave, you don't have to stay in New York. You know Karen would be better for it" He said. The thought of leaving right now was something I wouldn't entertain but I had considered it, even come close.

"That candle your burning for her is going to burn you Nelson"

"Leave Castle"

"When she's safe"

I followed her, catching her up and steering us into the right direction.

Around Toby's room was loud and chaotic. I pulled Karen behind me and I felt her shape tailing me as we moved forward. I hoped she didn't make skin contact because she'd see how was capable she was of distracting me with her new skills. I could see four officers having trouble to contain masked men with guns. The masks had the advantage since they cared nothing for people in the crossfire. I pulled out my gun and used my first bullet to puncture a masked man in the temple. I felt Karen flinch behind me. I couldn't see how many men they had in total but I constantly scanned the area, canvasing as much of the scene as possible. The police were down quickly, two with most likely fatal blows. I told Karen to stay around the corner and I picked up a metal gurney before tilting it up and using it to shield me as I got closer to them. I hit the first one and felt a crack in his nose. The second I shot in the chest while dodging his barrel. From here I saw inside Toby's room, there were three masks in there and he was shaking and crying out. I sprinted into the room, taking one out and wresting with the other. I was about to shoot him when I heard a voice from the third.

"Stop. Push the gun away!" The third one demanded. One gun was pointed at the distraught kid on the hospital bed. He cried out for his mother who was crouched in the corner.

"NOT MY BOY…. PLEASE…. PLEASE!" She screamed.

"Quiet" He spat at her, inching closer to Toby. Of course, I knew he wouldn't be killed by that gun, he recovered from a headshot so there was that.

"PLEASE" The mother continued and that's when he turned the gun on her. I heard Toby's voice. He'd come back into reality and realised his mother was in danger. The one man, still held by the point of my gunpoint looked at his weapon that had slid across the floor behind us. If he moved for it I would be ready.

"No, point it at me. I…. I'm the one you want. Take me" Toby begged. His mother sobbed in the corner.

"Put the fucking gun down!" He shouted at me. I took one breath, lowering it and throwing it across the floor. The one I almost had, leaned down to retrieve his gun and then that's when Karen came around the door and a shot rang out. She must have taken it off someone I'd taken out in the hall. She'd hit his shoulder and I used the distraction to charge at the one in front. He turned the gun in my direction but it was too late, I jammed my knee in his gut and dug his head into the wall behind him. With a quick snap, he was taken care of. I turned to Karen, she still held the gun above the masked man who now lay bleeding on the floor. I checked her over to make sure she wasn't hurt.

"Th…. thank you" The mother said, holding her son tightly in her arms. I went up to her.

"Listen, have you got somewhere to go that people won't find you?" I asked her. Quickly she realised what I meant, what the situation meant.

"My sister has a static home she uses for holidays"

"Go there, and stay there for a while. If you don't, they will come for him again. You have to go now" I instructed. She nodded frantically, pulling Toby from the bed.

"Do you have my number on my phone from when we spoke?" Karen asked.

"Yes"

"If you need help, call and I will let you know when they are…. caught. Don't go to the police, it's not safe" She said. I was hearing commotion outside. I gave Karen a look to say we needed to go.

"I will keep my son safe" She said. We scrambled out together but Toby and his mother took the one side of the hospital to exit and us the other. We took another metal gurney so we could lay on it the bleeding man Karen had shot. I knocked him out and we had put a sheet over his body. I wondered how Karen was doing between how she'd changed and how we were taking this person for information. I knew she was strong, but she also had a big heart and a part of me was waiting for the questioning of morals on this situation.

I dug the bullet out and seared up the wound with heat. He was no use dead. That was all before we got to the edge of town where a cabin stood alone in the woods. Karen looked at the cabin with a chill, maybe thinking of the last time we were here together. The man was tall, fair skin, dark hair and heavy scars across his neck. When he woke he was tied to a chair, shocked at the sight of us. The knife on the work surface made its way into my hand and he knew what was about to happen to him. Just as I was about to cut into him Karen steadied my hand.

"There's another way that I could try…. Before that" She said, eluding to her new ability.

"This piece of shit doesn't deserve your compassion Karen" I said.

"You don't decide who deserves _my_ compassion Frank" She snapped. "Besides, we need information quickly"

"Fine, take a swing at it sweetheart" She sighed, dropping the knife back down. She steadied herself and went forward. The man looked at her in confusion but she ignored him. I could see she was trying to focus and when she placed a hand on his temple she took a sharp intake of breath. I stepped forward but she held up one hand to gesture for me to stop.

"It's so loud and…messy" She said, eyes closed. Her fingers shook a little but she was standing strong. The man was coming to terms with what she may be doing and began to squirm. I turned so he could see the gun on my jacket holster and he stilled.

"It's so loud" She repeated. I looked at the guy, he was also concentrating.

"Maybe intentionally. Maybe he's trying to keep the thoughts of his cloudy. Here…" I said as I hit him forcefully in the gut. He yelled at me, Karen jumped.

"There was a place, I think that's where he was given his orders. I think…. a medical centre?" She said, squinting.

"Good, Karen you're doing good"

"I'm not done yet" She said, her tongue curling up her top lip as she continued to focus. "A lab. A Doctor…. Doctor Vance" She said, wincing in pain. A she said the name the guy began struggling more forcefully.

"Looks like you're getting somewhere" I smiled, she continued to surprise me.

"It's a big, fancy place. There's a crest on the gate"

"You can see pictures in his head?" I asked.

"I think so…. it's not clear so clear though…. Like a splodgy watercolour painting" She said. "I think it's a lion with….wings….riding a horse"

"Riding a horse?" I asked.

"Ah…. make that attacking a horse, not riding" She said, sheepishly. She stumbled backwards, almost falling.

"That's enough" I supported her until she was sat on a stool.

"It's not" She protested.

"Karen, that's enough. We have gotta be able to get something from what you've seen. A place and a name to investigate…. Isn't that what journalists do?" I said. She was catching her breath, gathering herself and nodding. My hand sat on her arm and I didn't give it a thought until her eyes widened. Outside I heard rustling and voices. They'd followed us somehow.

"We need to leave" I said, standing up and pulling my weapon out.

"Frank no!" She said as I pulled the trigger. It was a headshot, clean and finished. She stood.

"You know what Frank, you're an asshole. You didn't have to kill him"

"Is this all we do Karen? You tell me I shouldn't kill people and I do it anyway because it's who I am. It's getting annoying" I said. She threw her hands up in the air.

"Screw you" She said. I grabbed her arm and pulled her behind me. When we sprinted out of cabin I looked back to see men in distance. There were gunshots following us and I bounded after Karen who was already running toward the car. We managed to drive off, bullets bouncing off the back of the car.

"Damn, they must have been tracking him"

"He didn't have a phone" Karen said, she'd known because she'd searched him without me asking.

"These are guys that experiment on people, they probably have no problem putting a tracker in their workers" I said. Karen was quiet, thoughtfully. When I was sure we'd lost anyone who maybe following us, I headed north.

"That's not the way to the city"

"I'm not taking you back to your apartment right now, I feel better having you somewhere no one would think to look for you"

"We have to look up the Doctor"

"You need to rest first. What you did back there, took a lot out of you" I said. She frowned, she was pissed at me. I knew. There was one place I could take her that only I knew existed. It had most of my arsenal there which I knew wasn't the best follow up to what happened in the cabin but I needed her to somewhere safe for a while. Getting a gun restock wouldn't hurt either.


	4. Chapter 4- The Water Tower

**Chapter 4- The Water Tower**

 ** _So, I was writing this scene and it became a chapter. It took me a while to get it right. I was trying to find a balance in how much detail I should go into. I just really wanted to show the weight of this chapter for Frank and Karen- in a delicate way. Anyway, I'm really happy with it and feedback is valued as always- Red._**

The ride back seemed longer than it was. We'd driven a fair distance to the cabin and I longed for my bed. I was exhausted and unsure of everything. Today I'd dug into people's minds, seen images I had no right to see and heard things that were deeply personal. Like Foggy and his thoughts of Matt- how he could seldom go a minute without being reminded of his best friend. It had also sparked the sadness in me again from Matt's absence.

My body felt different and my mind felt drained. To make things worse, Frank took me to that god forsaken cabin and history had repeated itself. I begged Frank not to kill someone and yet again, he didn't batter an eye before he did. What kind of person would I be if I hadn't tried to stop him? I was scared to find out. No matter how I felt about him I couldn't let his actions become normal for me.

We pulled up and I looked around at the sight. Trees surrounded the place and in the centre of the clearing, stood a copper coloured water tower. It was clearly old and a little rusted.

"It's been abandoned for years, it's where I hang my hat lately" Frank said.

"You live here?"

"Sometimes" He shrugged. He was looking at me with those dark eyes but I refused to meet them. I wanted to tell him that no one knew about me, that he was being irrational but I couldn't find the energy to protest.

"Fine" I got out of the car, my feat crunched under the autumn leaves, I hadn't realised the foliage was blending into warm orange tones until just now. The main cylinder of the tower was held up by large metal pillars that took a tripod position under it. We climbed up a ladder that led directly to a hatch into the top. Frank opened the it and helped me in. The midday sun was dipping into the windows that covered the entirety of the walls. It was a wide, open, circular area and the many windows combined with the height made a breath-taking view. I instantly knew why Frank liked it here, he could see for a mile in every direction. He was always on watch, something he must have been taught in the military. In the centre of the vast space was a simple metal bed and on the ceiling hung a black net, in which mounds of weapons were laid out evenly. There was a steel cabinet to one side and on top of it was a collection of food, bottles of water and candles.

It was so simple and empty that it jolted me; He still had no desire for anything, not even creature comforts- not even damn electricity any more apparently. "I have a place in the city but this is…. mine" He said. I looked up at the guns.

"I can see that" I said, sinking onto his bed. It was more comfortable than I expected, maybe because of the tiredness. I didn't ask, I just pulled back the thick quilt and slipped under them. I would sleep now and later I would deal with all the problems.

For a minute, I didn't remember where I was in the blackness of the water tower cylinder. Then I turned over and found Frank's outline in the moonlight. He was facing vast wide windows, sat on the floor, holding something in his hands. It didn't take him long to notice me.

"How do you feel?" He asked, tucking the photo into the pocket of his jeans.

"Better" I said, looking away. I heard him exhale heavily.

"You have to stop expecting something from me that's never going to happen" He said. I sat up straight, pulling the blanket up with me. It was so cold up here.

"Excuse me? I never asked to be in that cabin again"

Frank stood, and began his pacing again. Each step drove me mad. "You asked to be part of this world and this is what happens. Things aren't made better by people who aren't willing to do anything Karen" He said. I felt the heat rise in my cheeks.

"Right, but it's made better with people having no trial, no chance to change…."

"People do not change" He said simply, glaring at me. I was so angry at him.

I stepped out of the bed, my feet were freezing on the cold metal floor but I didn't care. I walked right up to him and stuck my finger out to jab him in the chest.

"You do not get to turn away from me…. I've done a shit load for you Frank Castle so you can't dismiss me like a child" I yelled. I was tall but he still towered over me with his broad frame. There was time he intimated me but that was no longer the case.

"It's a child who would believe the world is fair" He stated. I was taken back, as if he'd punched me in the gut like he had the man in the cabin.

"I know more than most that the world isn't fair. You aren't the only one who's lost family- you selfish bastard. You are not the only one who had ever felt grief or loss…. I hurt Frank but you take it out on people….and you enjoy it"

"I do what I have to"

"You do what you WANT to. The truth is you hide behind 'justice' to have an excuse for that darkness inside of you to run wild and free because if you are really truly honest- you like the power that pulling that trigger gives you" I said. His eyes deemed to darken. I'd seen that look before but never directed at me.

"I'm done with this. With you" He said, beginning to turn away. Another wave of rage coursed through me and I held his bare arm to stop him. He looked down at the contact between us and back up at my face. Then he pulled his arm away.

"You killed innocent people- they were orders I know but still you punish yourself and I'm sure they had you do a lot of other nasty shit but here you are- you changed but what if someone came along and decided to finish you off- not knowing the people you have saved- not knowing the good in you?" I didn't know if it would make a difference but I'd been holding this inside me for so long and I needed him to hear me.

"I'd deserve it"

"No Frank, you don't. Yes, I've seen the ugly parts of you but for as much bad…. there is just as much good"

He dismissed my words, almost rolling his eyes. "Karen, you don't know what bad is- like you said, I enjoy killing people"

"Then what does that make me?" I said, running my hands through my locks in frustration.

"Karen, you aren't anything like me. _Your mistakes are my choices_ " He said, his eyes capturing me and the meaning behind his words. He put his hand on my face. I was suddenly overcome with emotion, it hadn't been what I meant. I wanted to scream at him ' ** _What does it make me when the man I love, loves to murder people?'_** I looked up at Frank, he was still, too still and too quiet.

Then I heard something in my own my mind that wasn't my own thoughts.

 ** _How can I hear her?_** **_She can share her thoughts and not just read them. How could she love me? I don't deserve to be loved. Not after what I've done- not ever again._**

I'd heard his thoughts and he'd knew mine. There was understanding between us in that. That wasn't how I wanted to phrase it but it had somehow become pushed through me, to him. He pulled away and rubbed his face.

"What did you mean, what have you done?" I asked. I shouldn't have pried but it so easily happened as his thoughts- more than anyone else's- were so easy to see when he touched me but I didn't know why. This power I had was beyond my understanding. He was still silent.

"I'm sorry, I can't control this…. thing in me" I said. He looked at me, no anger- just confliction.

"Karen…I killed them" He said, his voice broken, his face twisted in anguish. I stepped closer to him. I wanted desperately to touch him, to hold him, to make him whole just once but I knew I'd never be enough. I didn't want to pry further, I wanted him to tell me willingly.

"I killed my family" He whispered into the dim light. My resolve had crumbled as my ability to stay away from him did. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and held him as tightly I was able while he sobbed against the curve of my neck.

 ** _Why couldn't I stop? I did love it…I loved killing and I was the best at it. I chose it over my family and now they are dead because of that choice. I killed them. I killed them Karen._**

My name in thoughts surprised me, he was willingly sharing this with me. He was allowing me to see his unfiltered pain as I wrapped myself around him. We sunk to the floor and sat in a heap, his head nestled into my shoulders and all the while I saw images in my mind.

 _…_ _His beautiful children playing together in a sandpit, laughing and joking…_

 _…_ _His daughter in a pristine white dress as the sun streamed down on her, making her look like an angel…._

 _…_ _The painting of a soldier his son had crafted on the wall…_

 _…_ _Holding his wife's hand as their children ran ahead to the park…_

 _…_ _The times he'd come home to find children that didn't know him. His children…_

 _…_ _Holding their mangled bodies in his arms and praying for release from the crippling pain._

The tears from me rained down, I felt like I couldn't breathe, I sobbed and Frank held me tighter, as if we were now linked in the torment of the images he had experienced. Some tears had been of pure joy at the way Frank saw his children and some came from a dark place in his mind full of self-loathing. I pulled back and he wiped them away from my face.

"I didn't want you to see…." He whispered. His eyes were red. I shook my head.

"I'm never going to leave you Frank" I said, somehow knowing that's what he needed from me.

"You said differently in the hospital…."

"Screw what I said, I'm not going anywhere" I said, smiling and he smiled with me. It seemed we needed that after what we shared. My stomach twisted and I looked down. "Frank, I wish I had the power to make you happy again" I murmured. He pulled my face up to look at him.

 ** _You do make me happy, that's why it's so hard to be around you. I feel guilty that I can feel that when they are gone._**

I took a minute to hold the weight of his words.

"Frank?"

"Yes?"

"Your children…. I can see so much of you in them. They are…. so beautiful and strong" I'd worried I'd hurt him by mentioning them but he had a small smile on his lips and he gave me a look of surprise.

"Thank you, Karen" For a moment, the way he looked into my eyes made me forget the past few days, made forget there was a world outside this water tower. I don't know how long we sat there but when his eyes lowered to my lips I knew I wanted him to lean forward and kiss me.

"Frank?" I repeated. He smiled.

"Yes Karen?" He whispered, almost onto my lips.

"I know I can never make it better for you…. but you know I would if I could, don't you?" I asked. He moved forward a little.

"I do"

"and…. you know that you…. you aren't alone? I mean, you know how I feel" I said, red creeping up my cheeks. I knew he wasn't the one to share what he was feeling (not that I'd given him much choice recently) but I needed him to know this. It was important that he knew there was someone left to care about him. I felt his breath on my lips, and he stayed there like he was teasing me with his proximity. My heart was hammering inside my chest.

"I can't say how I feel about you Karen..." He said. "But I want…. to show you" He moved to kiss me and my entire body flamed alight in response. In his mind, I saw myself. I saw my messy curls flowing passed my shoulders, my crimson lips inviting him in. I saw my big blue eyes sparkling back at him and how they were filled with tears for his pain. I saw how the moonlight hit my face and through his eyes, the light followed me wherever I moved. As we kissed on, the less he thought and the less I heard. I could just experience my own feelings for him. He ran his fingers though my hair, pulling me to him. His tongue laced over my lips and chills travelled down my spine. I groaned against his mouth and he smoothed one hand down the side of my body until it settled on my hip.

I knew very little in this moment except for knowing I needed him. This was different to anything I'd held in any of my memories; It was more intense, rawer- an untamed mass of emotions and desire. Somewhere along the line, I'd let myself become desperate for his touch, greedy for it. Frank growled, nibbling my lip gently.

 ** _I want you so badly. You're beautiful. God, I want you._**

His thoughts pulled me in further, like we were connected through no way anyone else could be. He trailed down my neck and kissed me so attentively he made my body hurt in anticipation. The hand that had been behaving at my hip, decided to wonder a little and it sent a jolt of excitement through me. I felt his fingertips trace up over my stomach, passed my ribs and settle just under where I wanted them to settle. I pulled him closer to me, feeling the sculpted muscles beneath his shirt. Jesus, he was beautiful and my filthy mind sped away with thoughts I knew I should shut down…. but I wouldn't- I couldn't- damn I didn't want to. I ran my hands down the space of his stomach, tracing the feel of his body, taking my time to memorise the curves and impressions of his form. I wanted to tell him through all the scars and the pain that had formed them, and for the pain there were no scars to mark- in this moment- he was perfect.

He broke free, tearing away from me and standing with his back faced away from me. He was panting as I was from what we'd shared and I felt a gut of rejection and confusion. I could see his shoulders rise and fall in the light of the moon. He said nothing as I sat on the cold floor. I stood, stepping closer a little. "Frank?" I whispered. He put one hand on the window as if to support himself. "Frank, I'm sorry" I said. I took a breath and then I turned to walk away, I couldn't go anywhere right then but I could pull the covers over my head until morning.

"How can you see me that way?" I heard him say. I took the words in and swirled them around my head until I understood.

"You heard me?"

"I heard everything that you thought from the second I kissed you" He said. I turned back around but he was still facing away with his back to me. I quickly scanned over everything I'd thought about and cringed at the intimate things I must have allowed him to hear. I didn't know what to say, he knew now- how in detail- I felt about him. I stood what seemed like forever until I could gather myself. I stepped forward until I was close enough to place one hand on his back. His t-shirt prevented any skin to skin- therefore no runaway thoughts being passed on either side.

"Don't Karen" His words were pleading and fragile and with his deep gravelled voice it seemed to really get to me.

"I saw…. you …. seeing me. It wasn't how I see myself and it probably never will be but the fact that you see that in me- Frank- that means something. It means something to me Frank because not one person in my life has ever seen me like that"

"I can't do this Karen. I'm in the dark…. all the time and I accept that…. it's where I meant to be. But I won't have you coming in after me. Not you"

"Frank…."

"NO. Don't you get it? I am a poison to anyone who gets too close. Everyone who I've given a fuck about has died- in horrible ways and you Karen are the last one. You are the last one and after everything, after losing so much, losing you- that would finish me" He balled his fists up, his voice was thick with anger.

"That's why I killed the guy in the cabin- because he knew what you could do and that's why I will have more of their blood on me before this is over. That way…. they can't take away the last thing I have" He was still angry but I felt his shoulders slump a little, as if speaking the words had given him some relief. The last thing he had …... me. Yes, he did have me.

I slipped my arms around his waist and touched my forehead to his back.

"Stop" He begged.

"Listen to me Frank. Listen" I pleaded. I needed him to hear my words and really know what they meant. "There's nothing you have done, nothing you can do to make me leave you but I won't come into that darkness to find you either" I said. He was quiet, I didn't know if he was listening.

"Turn around" I demanded. He waited a second and then did as I wanted. When he met my eyes, there was still that desire there, the need to be close to him.

"I won't come into the darkness but you can come to me"

He sighed, bowing his head. "Karen…"

"No" I put both of my hands on his cheeks and made him face me. "Please Frank" I begged, tears broke free from my eyes and without hesitance, he smoothed them away with his thumb. I pulled him closer and he let me. Very slowly, I leant up to gently press my lips to his. I pulled back and stared into his dark eyes.

"Please" I leaned to kiss his cheek, and then his other, then his funny shaped nose that I'd grown to like, then the space where his ear met his neck, then the tender area of his throat. I felt his hands grab my arms. It felt forceful but when I met his eyes there was just desire in them. I had to swallow before I could speak again. It came out a whisper but it was enough.

"Please find me Frank"

His lips met mine, his hands combing through my hair. Frank swooped me up in his arms and stepped over to his bed where he lowered me down. For a long while his lips explored mine, then his hands began to do the same to my body.

He pushed my top up passed my stomach and over my head, reminding me that I hadn't even put a bra on in the hospital. Before I could react to it, Frank bent his head to press gentle kisses over my chest. They were soft and loving, as if trying to put me at ease. Then he stood up straight to lift his own top over his head. The mound of muscles that amounted to Frank Castle was at the very least- a piece of art. When his lips found my own and his bare chest pressed against mine, my heart really began to pound. It affected him also, as I heard his breathing increase at our contact. I held onto his back with both hands and prayed he didn't pull away- not now.

He relieved me of the remaining clothes, I unbuckled his belt and he did he the rest. For a second he looked at me, taking me in and I knew I was blushing fiercely in the moonlight. When he met my eyes again, he was smiling. It was a lighter smile than I'd ever seen him wear and I echoed that feeling. Then he pulled the covers over us, noticing me shake a little from the coolness in the air. As he kissed me I knew it was important not to rush, to let him lead this- to know that he wanted this as much as I did. He ran his fingers over me, becoming attuned to my body's responses as he explored. I felt each muscle, each scar, each dent in his bones that hadn't healed right. When he trailed his fingers between my legs they automatically moved a little apart, to which he edged his hips closer. The same words began to repeat in my mind.

 ** _I'm here. Always._**

Hours passed into the night. Hours since in mind, body and soul we'd seemed to meld into one person. It was then, after we shared all that two people could, in the darkness of our surroundings, Frank freely gave me one clear thought….

 ** _I love you._**


	5. Chapter 5- For One Moment

**CHAPTER 5- This One Moment**

 ** _I'm sorry its been ages since an update. Thank you 'spyslikeus' for such a touching review, you pushed me forward- so just know, it meant a lot._**

 ** _I know this one is short but I'm at an impasse and I just needed to get the ball rolling again. Suggestions for where I should go in this fic would be greatly valued if anything comes to mind. I have an ending point in mind which the next chapter will be more focused toward, but I don't have an exact map to get there._**

 ** _This is my first fanfic so thanks everyone who has read and reviewed- it's so encouraging- Red_**

 _For a moment, I floated effortlessly. I was deep in peaceful darkness, such a difference to the sharp places I'd normally go when I closed my eyes each night. Many of those times, I'd be holding a gun in my hands. Then, like someone changing the channel, I was somewhere else. I saw Frank and felt relived. Somehow, we were in my apartment, I wore his big shirt and it trailed passed my thighs. He walked in the front door, dumped a bag down and kicked off his boots. When he saw me, he smiled brightly and came to close the distance between us._

 _"_ _How was work?" I asked. Frank groaned and snatched my lips into a hard kiss, his fingers slid straight up the fabric of his shirt that barely covered me._

 _"_ _Unbearably boring as always but I know I get to come home to you Karen and that's all I need" He said, his dark eyes focussing on me. I run my fingers over his short hair, he had let his stubble grow out again._

 _"_ _I know the feeling" I kissed him, showing him how much I missed him. Then the air cracked with a shot. I fell away from Frank and my body hit the ground. I couldn't move as Frank crashed to the floor, touching my head, shouting, crying out my name. I felt the blood pouring from my head, I was dead, yet I was somehow still able to be in this horrible scene, watching as Frank writhed in pain over me._

My eyes popped open, sweat glazed my skin. What the hell was that? The nightmare had felt so strange, like nothing I'd ever experience. I was killed, so abruptly pulled from a tiny glimpse of a tender life that could only ever exist in a dream. It took me a moment to gather myself before I realised where I was. The metal of the water tower still surrounded me and I lay on my back in Frank's bed. Frank. My hand still was twisted into his. A final touch of many to end a night that I'd never forget. I turned, first relived to see his face. Then, I saw his expression crunched into an agonising look. He was still asleep, sweat glazed his exposed chest and his fists were balled up, making his knuckles turn white. He was squeezing the one hand of mine he was still holding, and it began to hurt.

It took me a moment to realise what could be happening. Had I experienced Frank's nightmare? It would make sense, as much sense as it could with the little knowledge I had of my new ability. Had I lived through the scene in Frank's own head? Was he still in my apartment, holding my body? The thought startled me so much I forcefully shook him. I couldn't leave him in that place, holding my lifeless shell as he had his done with his family. A few forceful jerks of his shoulders made him open his eyes. He sat up, wildly, trying to catch his breath. Before he had time to rush off, to pull away from me, I went to him. I had forgotten the blanket around me and it fell to my waist as I wrapped my arms around his torso. I pressed my cheek to his shoulder blades, holding him as tightly as I could. My bare chest squashed against his back, holding him close. His body still heaved with ragged breathing as I let him get his bearings.

He ran his fingers over my arms, loosening them. I felt a gut blow, anticipating that he'd walk away from me now. He'd put those walls back up and close himself off. That's what I had expected, but instead, he turned and met my gaze. His eyes were red, his mind still racked with images from the nightmare. "I'm here Frank. It wasn't real- I'm here" I soothed. He pressed his forehead to mine, our noses touching.

"I lost you" He whispered. I hurt from his words, but I needed him to know it was ok now. I ran my hands over his face and my lips very gently touched his. He matched my tenderness, bringing his hands up to my back so our bodies could share the warmth of each other's. Frank held me like there wouldn't be another chance.

"It never stops Karen. It never stops" He repeated. I stroked his hair and held his towering frame to my body.

The water tower slowly disappeared as we drove away, and it became nothing more than a glint of copper between trees. Everything had changed there. Something changed between Frank and I, something I'd find it difficult to explain to myself, let alone anyone else. We'd seen inside each other's thoughts, shared clips of our most sacred memories and faced each other in the morning with that knowledge. I'd never felt this, this all-consuming connection I shared with him and it was scary. Really scary. I knew how he felt, I practically ripped his heart open and prodded around a bit and he'd just laid there and allowed me to do so. I knew I'd loved him but before last night there was a separation- Him. Me.

Now I felt the lines between us as two people were blurred. When did Karen end and Frank begin now? Would I feel even more guilty when he decided to kill someone else? Could I take that? I know I'd been bordering the line for a long time. I'd protected Frank and for that alone, it had put me in a grey area, but he had protected me with everything he had left. It was difficult to leave that affection unreciprocated. I wasn't proud of compromising my values for him, but I'd do it again without thinking. Hell, I'm doing right now.

We drove back to the city, where we would get more answers. Those answers would lead to Frank storming the medical centre and most likely carrying out his purge on anyone he deemed guilty. That was the thing tearing me in two- how much of myself do I lose because I can't stop my deep affection? I looked over at him.

His hair was buzzed around the sides, slightly longer on the top- as it always is. His head was streaked with white slashed scars where hair couldn't grow again. Last night, I'd studied each scar.

He'd laid on the bed, his muscled arms slung lazily behind his head, his body freely given to me- with no restraint. I stared so damn long, drinking him in and knowing this memory would be behind my lids every night I have left to come.

Frank had followed my gaze- bemused at my fascination. When my fingertips grazed his scars, he had deliberately thought back to how he'd gotten each one to let me see what injury had left it on his skin. I touched one after another, eager to see more chapters of his life. Frank just lay there, a smile playing on his lips as I trailed my way through the evidence of violence on his body. He was nowhere near ashamed of them, or self-conscious. He had no need to be, he was amazingly built and although I knew each one represented pain, I couldn't seem to imagine Frank any other way.

This wouldn't have been Maria's Frank, I was sure of that. The Frank that had been hers was not this one in front of me. This man was fully aware of the brutal nature of the world and he somehow found the strength to live in it regardless- for that I admired him. He endured the worsts pains a person could and yet he drew breath- that alone was a miracle.

When I finally got to Frank's head, I ran my fingers over the side of his skull. I felt the dent there and then to follow, saw the graphic experience of him being shot in the head the day at the carousel. He'd kissed my tears away, asking me not to cry for him again. On the outside he was the most intimidating a man could ever get. That all fell away that night alone together in the darkness, after all the feather gentle touches, after the rushes of attentive pleasure, after the terrifyingly venerable way he whispered my name- as if he needed reassurance I was still in heaven with him after struggling such a long time in hell.

How could I see him as I did before? I couldn't. If I knew one thing- it was that I could never go back. As Frank drove the car, I tucked my legs under me and padded my hands under my face to cushion it, while I openly glared at him. He wouldn't look at me, he was so stubborn, but I saw his lips twitch- threatening to give me a smile. Soon, we'd reach the city and things would become murky again. That's why this single moment was so important; Frank driving, me soaking in the rare glow of him being happy. My eyes began to feel heavy, but I refused to close them; I refused to forfeit a second of Frank Castle looking….. happy. I wished this moment could last forever- I wasn't ready to return to the world.

Minutes passed before he met my gaze and the look he gave me was one of utter adoration. He was still there with me- basking in the same afterglow as me. He leaned over and as he brushed hair behind my ear. With the skin contact, I thought of the words I wanted him to know in the way, only we could share.

 ** _I love you Frank._**

He pulled his touch away and I wondered if my words had been sent through in time before he withdrew but he finally reached and took my hand. There was no fear from my declaration in his face, only a smile teasing his lips.

 ** _I love you too._**

It was not strange to have him in my head. I'd accepted, that a part of my mind would always be for him- a corner of it that he could admit he loves me without having to feel the guilt of saying out-loud.


	6. Chapter 6- I was warm

**Chapter 6**

 **A bit of a dark chapter guys. Sorry it's been so long, I've been trying to get into Uni! I am very happy to say I will be doing a creative writing degree in September! I'm actually doing it, which is utter madness. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one. As always, feedback means so much and I take on board all criticism and praise. Also, if anyone had any idea's for what I can add to this story going forward, I could use some input! Thanks everyone. Next chapter will be out soon. Frank is not happy after this chapte** **r. - Red**

I hesitated a moment before opening my apartment door. Frank was on edge, poised and waiting for someone to be lurking. The people coming after us in the woods, combined with the still fresh nightmare set in my apartment must both be contributing. I opened the door and Frank nudged me out of the way, so he could go first. There was no point arguing- he would never stop trying to protect me. The small space looked- unsettlingly- the same. Everything that had happened since I'd been home was overwhelming. I'd found out I had mind-reading/projecting superpowers from an experiment I'd been kidnapped into. I'd uncovered an organisation that performed these experiments and got a lead to go on to find them. I'd been shot at in the woods after Frank had murdered another person in his creepy kill cabin. Then he'd taken me to the extremely excluded hidden base of his for the night where we'd did everything from cry on the floor in each other's arms to…. other things. It all left me dazed. Too many emotions flooded my system right now and I needed to sort through them.

When someone stepped out of the kitchen, Frank pulled his gun in one fluid movement. Foggy squealed, covering his face in horror. "Foggy! What are you doing here?" I asked. Frank had put his weapon back. Foggy tried to steady his breath, his messy hair was framing his face and his slightly mismatched suit now suffered from coffee stains. I stepped to his side, trying my best to get soak the coffee up with kitchen towels.

"What am I…. .Karen, you were in bad shape. Shit hit the fan in the hospital, I had no idea if you were alright and you ask what I'm doing here?" His voice came out strained. I sighed.

"I'm sorry. I'm cranky. We were being chased by the kidnappers last night, looks like there are a large group of them but we have to dig into some leads to find them" I explained, searching for anything ready to eat in the kitchen. I found some cereal bars which I devoured before brewing some coffee. The smell of it now on Foggy's shirt had made me desperate.

"Well, I've taken the day off to help" Foggy said, eyeing Frank out the corner of his eye.

"Foggy, it's best not to be involved if you don't have to be. These people come in numbers, which means they are dangerous" I said.

"How long has it been since we have worked together Karen? I've missed you, let me help" He said. I looked over to Frank and saw that he wasn't happy in the slightest about company but that was no surprise. I groaned.

"Fine. Fine… but shower and food is needed before anything else" I said.

"I will go grab some food, it will give you time to get presentable….. you look like you've been rolling around in some bushes" Foggy said. I didn't dare meet Frank's eyes, I was already blushing profusely. Foggy stepped towards the door and pulled my arm with him, until we lingered at the doorway.

"You and I can do the research, he doesn't have to be here" He said under his breath. I rolled my eyes, I was tired and a little sore over my body from everything.

"Foggy, I will say this once. Frank stays. Now go get some food. I'm ravenous" I kissed him on the cheek and pushed him on his way. He wasn't happy, but I didn't care right now- Frank was safety, Frank was meant to be at my side. Turning around I saw the man in question glaring out the window, on his paranoia watch. I wished he wasn't so far away, that he would look at me. A devilish thought came to mind just then and before I lost the nerve, I yanked my clothed off and into the wash basket. It took all of ten seconds for his head to do a double take on me, his eyes glued in my direction, scouting the perimeter was forgotten. I was beet red, I knew it, but I couldn't help enjoying the surprise on his face. "Since you'll probably want to shower as well, we should maybe, probably share- saving water and all" I said, spinning around and walking into the bathroom.

I turned the shower on, it was meant to be a sexy invitation and it had come out a stuttering mess. Before I could dwell on it, I felt Frank playfully pin me to the wall. His warm breath brushed my ear as he whispered into it.

"You shouldn't tempt a monster, Karen" He said, kissing his way down my throat.

* * *

I knew this wasn't forever, it could break like a glass floor under us. Given that, I couldn't stop myself from being immersed in how he made me feel. It felt good to feel good. Losing Matt still lingered over me, as it had for a long while. I missed him so much, even with him lying to me all the time and the sting of rejection he always handed me. The memories of him played out in my head over and over. First the ones of Matt Murdoch, then the ones of Daredevil that I hadn't known had been my friend when it was happening. He was far better than anyone I'd ever met- a catholic that punished himself for the way he saved people. He'd beat the crap out of bad guys, but he'd never killed anyone, unlike Frank…. and me. I often felt Matt and Frank were at the two ends of the scale and I floated up and down somewhere in between, never sure of what I was. I also knew that Frank was not the worst of the worst. He had a purpose, no matter how mangled it may be.

Frank had been playful in shower, smiling as he kissed me, teasing nibbles to my skin. It was such a normal moment, that it was as if it belonged to someone else. Non-the-less, I'd take each minute of this Frank I could get because I didn't know how long I'd have him. I was finally cleaned and dressed, my hair twisted into a splayed bun. When I stepped out of my room, Foggy had returned, Frank was cleaning his gun on my desk. He'd brought clothes and weapons with him from the water tower, so he now wore a grey t-shirt, blue jeans and his normal boots. Foggy said something but I didn't catch it, Frank was filling my every thought. I ate the food Foggy had passed me while switching on the computer. Frank handed me a coffee. Not something he has ever done before but I smiled, wondering what other things he would do after our time together. It all seemed so new and temperamental, but I would go along with it for as long as he could. Did I have a choice? I don't think I did anymore. That night in the water tower was unforgettable, it changed me, and I knew with perfect clarity what Frank Castle was- not even he could change that now.

* * *

The flames singed the skin on my arm as I held it up to the roaring fire. It had all happened so quickly. Foggy found the doctor at the medical centre I'd seen. Frank had geared up quite quickly and I had blacked out, only to wake up with an apologetic Foggy smiling down at me. Frank had done it of course, to keep me out the way for all the reasons he thought were logical, were right. They weren't. I was too deep in now, in the case and in Frank to let go of this. He should have known that, maybe he did and just wanted to get a head start before I tracked him down. Foggy was pleading with me not to go and that's when I'd snapped and told him where to shove it. When I got to the medical centre it was ablaze. The reason I stormed in was because in the top window I saw a familiar face. Screaming inside a cloud of smoke was Toby. He could heal I knew that but would be survive being burned alive? Or would he be trapped in the smoke, forced to choke over and over? My legs sped away with me, I couldn't leave him. Only now, I'd rushed in and now I was submerged into thick smoke, losing my footing and sense of direction in the confusion. When I finally saw Frank's face it was a million miles away from the man who reminded me that I could love.

The sight of him didn't bring me ease as it did when I was in trouble or excitement when I hadn't seen him for weeks. With patterns of splattered blood across his face, nothing needed to be said. I felt dread. His clothes were stained and blackened from the smoke and as I looked down I was in time to see him shoot a man point blank in the temple. Suddenly I was nauseated to the point where I had to put my hand over my mouth and pray I held it together. Tears stung my eyes as I looked at him. This was the man I loved and yet he turned my stomach this much with what he does. His eyes met mine. I didn't have time to argue, to comprehend what he'd done now. I carried on in the opposite direction, hoping to find Toby.

Screw Frank. He spiked my coffee and left me in my apartment like a useless damsel. I could find Toby and get him out, I had to. Regardless of the punisher being on my tail. When I hit the fourth floor, I was lost and panicking. The smoke was thickening around me and I thought I'd even lost Frank.

"Help!" I heard shouted in through the corridor. I ran toward the voice, moving out of the way of a falling beam that only missed me narrowly. I saw him being dragged a few paces away and I bounded forward. The two men picked up their pace and Toby was crying out anguish. I followed until I burst through the exit door leading to the roof. A helicopter's blades were already readying as Toby was pulled raggedly across the gravel. I took out the gun from my bag, took the safety off and aimed. A shot rang out and the men noticed me. Two men already in the helicopter, the pilot and the two holding Toby became aware of me. My bullet had hit one of the men, he had crashed to the ground as he bled from his leg.

"Let him go now and will I let you leave without a bullet in each of your asses" I yelled. It was so loud up here with the flames below and the blades atop. A man stepped out, I recognised him. It was the doctor. Dr Vance, the one I'd seen in his lacky's head. I held the gun steady. The mans dark eyes and dirty blond cropped hair stepped towards me.

"Take her" The Doctor ordered. I spun around when I felt someone behind me. Three others closed in. I shot one, I didn't know where, but I heard him cry out. The other two restrained me, knocking the gun across the rooftop as I screamed. I hadn't seen them, hadn't heard them over the deafening sound. I saw a fist aim towards my face then nothing.

* * *

"Yes, her blood is catalogued. Yes, I'm sure she was in the most recent batch. Correct, yes, yes. She's alive and well. It looks promising sir"

I let my eyes stay closed while I listened. He was talking on the phone to someone. I was cold, and ties cut into my wrists, but I was determined to keep my breathing steady and my mind calm. I was taken in a helicopter, there would be no Frank to come and save me now. If I got out of this I really needed to take a vacation and maybe retire all together. Quit while I still had my life and stop being so bloody nosy. Why couldn't I work at a post office? Or in a movie theatre? Or one of those people that sit at home and answer surveys while still I their pyjamas? No, I had to be the cat that was curious. I had to search for answers and dig and dig until I found myself in situations like this. I knew it was my fault, this hadn't happened once or twice but over and over.

What was wrong with me that I felt the need to chase down danger like it was some sort of treasure trove that would sate my fractured heart? It never did- I would always be looking for something. I wondered if I would ever feel content, if I ever would find absolution, or a good sense of when could stop searching for something. Maybe I would never get the chance now, maybe this was my last life and my luck had run out. Frank would be livid, he would never forgive me, and he would hurt….and he'd already hurt so much in his life. No, I would fight. I would claw my way out of this mess at any cost, even if I had to summon my inner punisher to survive this.

I creaked my lids open and saw a bare room with dirty yellow walls and faded brown carpets. I was slung on the sofa, only my hands tied. I tried to scope the room best I could. There must be some way out. The door was behind me and it was creaked open. I couldn't see anyone, neither could I hear anything at all, so I sat up. I made my way to the door and just as I was about to step through I gasped at the sight of a man. He wasn't the creepy doctor, just muscle by the looks of it. I staggered back. He waved his finger at me in disapproval and tutted. He grabbed me forcefully by the throat and I felt hard brick hit my spine.

"Ambitious little bitch, aren't you?" He smirked. He squeezed my throat harder and I gasped for air while clawing at him frantically. "I heard that you took out one of my men and blew another's leg off" He hissed. My nails dug into his face and with all my strength I yanked at his flesh. I dropped to the ground, only to be kicked roughly in the ribs. I could feel the snap, the croak my body signalled, the pain darting through my body. I gasped for air, everything hurt. So stupid Karen, so stupid. He's not coming for you now, not again. All he does is chase after you. I stifled my tears, I would not give this asshole that. His meaty face glared down at me, blood smeared from his temple down to his jaw from me.

"Hey, she's wanted in the lab. Vance wants her alive, so stop your shit and get her there" A voice said. He groaned at the order but dragged me up by my hair. I screamed, I screamed so loud I felt like my lungs stung more then the fresh break of my rib.

"Get the fuck off me" I shouted as he dragged me by my arms out of the door. The hallway outside was grim but got tidier and cleaner the closer we got two rustic, blue double doors ahead. I thrashed wildly, pushing down the pain in my chest. Once in the lab, the white walls and metallic tables and instruments scattered around registered with me. Oh god, no. The doctor came into view. He had on a lab coat and his drawn in, beady eyes focussed on me.

"You are very special" He said, grinning sadistically. When I didn't answer he nodded his head to the heavy-handed idiot manhandling me. When I felt the cold table beneath me again I remembered the last time it made me snap. I put all my energy into fighting him. I struggled wildly, managing to get a hold of a bone saw from the metal trolley and slashing the man's torso. He hissed, and the devil flared in his eyes. Not my devil, my devil was kinder then anyone I'd ever known. No this was a vile creature void of any humanity. He backhanded me forcefully, until I was knocked off my feet. My rib seared with pain again. I felt his sweaty hand grip the back of my neck, violently forcing me into restraints.

I stared at the lights overhead that were blinding and tugged against the restraints, never stopping. Once I stopped, I really was helpless. The taste of blood lingered in my mouth from the blow to the face and black spots sotted my vision. The asshole raised his fist once more.

"Enough Roach. Leave us" the doctor ordered.

He leant over me, so he could whisper something. "Maybe the good doctor will give you to me when he's finished" He put a hand on my face and my stomach twisted in disgust.

His horrid breath was smothering me. I turned my head and closed my eyes. I didn't want to see him. I wanted this to be another nightmare that I would see in Frank's head- that I would wake up from just as I did the last one. Frank would be so upset, and I would have to wrap my arms around him and tell him that it wasn't real, that I was with him and he didn't have to be afraid. I clung to the feel of Frank's arms around me, of how I'd never felt so safe in my life when he was there. Tears streamed down my face and I shook like a leaf in a storm.

"Leave Roach. She's a subject" The doctor said. He left, and I was alone with the doctor. His black eyes leered at me.

"Why are you doing this to people?" I demanded, unable to wipe the tears off my face. He pulled a stool over and set next to me. He smelled like disinfectant.

"A great man once said, 'Science requires experimentation'" he said, a smirk on his lips. "You, you are special. The formula has taken to you extraordinarily well. Normally there are side affects that frankly sabotage the desired result. Physical deformities, haemorrhaging in the brain, seizures, blindness, uncontrollable fits of rage and of course… some people's bodies just give in"

Bile was brought up in my throat. I shook savagely, and it wasn't from the cold. "Why…. What for? Tell me what this is for" I whispered.

"What it's for? It's for power, like all things" He said. He stood, taking a syringe from the tray. I screamed at the top of my lungs, screamed 'help', screamed 'stop', screamed for Frank. He didn't come.

My mind found a memory from this morning to hide in, protecting itself from reality. I was covered in the warmth of the water and Frank's body. For one moment, no matter how cruel the world had been to both of us... I was warm, safe, adored, loved. For one moment.


	7. Chapter 7- Rest

Hope you enjoy! More is on the go- Red

* * *

Chapter 7

Frank

I strapped guns to me, and knives when no more guns would fit and grenades and smoke bombs along the white, symbol across my torso. These people had no idea the shit storm that was coming for them- they would. It had been four hours since they took her. Four hours they sealed their fates. They had no fucking idea.

"Are you done?" I asked Lieberman. I told him it was urgent that he came. I didn't have anyone else that could find her as quickly.

"I am looking into the flight paths. I'm reeling through satellite footage. I am looking into this doctor to see where he may have gone. On top of that, I'm tracking the details of the owners from that warehouse and the medical centre you said were involved. Something will crop up, now back up and let me find her" He said. I rubbed my face roughly. I could take on a brigade of men, cut them down like a machete to weeds, I could escape from the force of the police, the FBI, the maximum-security prisons but telling me to wait patiently was something I couldn't easily manage. What were they doing with her? I knew she would be so scared and she would be waiting for me. My fist met a wall and a hole punctured straight through.

"Good thing about helicopters is that they are easy to track. It landed on a building a few miles away. Then I followed traffic cams for the car they used to get to an old an old, derelict apartment complex"

"Address" I demanded. He handed me a post-it note, and I took off.

"Thank you Lieberman" I said, leaving and driving full speed. I knew where she was, and I would find her. I had to. This morning was so different, so effortless it was cruel. This was my punishment. Even if it was just a second, I forgot- forgot about the grief and the guilt, forgot there was a world outside of Karen. That woman made me lay out every part of me for her to see and then against all rationality, she would accept me as I am, somehow. I knew I couldn't be with her. I knew I was far beyond the point of having a girlfriend and crawling into her arms after I went out for a purge every now and then. A person that's done what I have, doesn't deserve something as perfect as Karen. In the seclusion of the water tower, she'd given me something I never deserved but had selfishly allowed myself to have anyway.

I will never forget; not a second of how her skin felt on mine or the smell of her hair or the way my name sounded from her lips as she lost herself beneath me. Not the way she refused to let me go, nor the ways her eyes tethered me to her when the darkness beckoned me back. And the way she would let me know again and again that she loved me, with her mind and with her voice- as if she was afraid I didn't believe her. I'd been cold inside for so long, that's what kept me standing, but from the time she pulled me close and gave herself freely, I was not cold, just still. Completely and utterly still and quiet. A kind of stillness that only comes from peace and I thought for sure I'd never reach peace, not in this life or any other. That night she gave me was the closest thing I would get to heaven.

I remembered her walking into that hospital room with wide eyes and a photo of my family- I couldn't recognise it then, how special she was. I was a serial murderer and she had compassion for me before she'd even met me. That was Karen Page. Her heart knows no bounds. There just aren't people like that in the world. She doesn't even know; how important she is. She thinks there some darkness inside her, like me. I wish I could show her how wrong she is.

I pulled up the complex. I was ready.

* * *

Karen

I begged but it did no good. He wouldn't stop. He'd probably heard that word a million times, all the while, cutting, stabbing, pulling then scribbling in his notes. I felt drained, I didn't know the time or the day or how long I'd been there on that table with blood trailing down onto the slabs below me. I was tired, and I hurt. I hurt so much that I thought that I would feel nothing else for as long as I took breath. The tears dried hours ago, there was none left. I would wave in and out of consciousness and thank god for the out times. Frank would flash behind my eyes and then my family, the ones I never told him about.

I had so many regrets and they were taunting me with things I'd never be able to change now. Is this my life flashing before me? All the pain and stupid mistakes and…. and Frank, the way he tries. He never gives in. I love him for that, not for the darkness in him- I understood that now. The one that choses to kill like a monster and love like a man. He wasn't evil. People did this to him. They made him kill as a soldier, and they abused his loyalty for their corrupt motives. They butchered his family, they shot him in the head. Despite all of it, he is drawn to good people, to good actions and moral souls, to scared people that need help. They never took who he was, and I was so proud of him for that.

That horrid light above me never went away. It was starting to make me feel sicker than I already did. I heard something and struggled to turn my head, but I did. A metal bed rolled next to mine.

"K….Karen?" He stuttered. Toby was lay down facing me. There was no blood on him, there was colour in his face, but he was afraid. I knew that, the feeling of helplessness.

"Toby, I'm so…sorry" I said. My voice was quiet, and I hoped he'd heard me. Tears welled in the boy's eyes. I remembered his mother crying when I'd met her- she loved him so much. The only one who never gave up on me that way was Frank, I'd drove away everyone else, but he wouldn't go. Toby reached out his shackled arm, the chains clashing loudly. It took a moment to realise it was his finger tips brushing my hand. I grabbed them as tightly as I could. He looked at me, his brows pulled together in confusion.

"You came for me" He said, a small smile of gratitude at one side of his mouth. The tears I thought gone, began to warm my cheeks. He was afraid and trying to be brave. I knew what was coming for him and more bile rose in my throat. Vance came back, pulling a tray at the side of Toby.

"What a rare treat. The things I can do with the aid of your constant regeneration" He said sadistically to Toby. I squeezed his hand. For as petrified as I was at dying alone, I hoped I was on my own and that Toby had gotten away.

"Look at me" I pleaded. He did, his terrified eyes never left mine. I could see the scalpel press into his chest and I heard the scream that followed. His head rocked back and forth in agony. Blood stained his skin as the blade sliced longer and harder. Toby sobbed, strangled cries filling the room. I couldn't take it. This was worse than the abuse of my own body, this dug into me in different ways and all I could I do was lay there and watch.

"STOP!" I yelled. He ignored me. "Stop it, you piece of shit. Stop!" I gave my last strength in to the plea and a wave of force pushed up from inside my chest, making me feel winded and breathless.

There was silence, Toby glared at me. Vance stood frozen, pulling the scalpel back. After a moment he shook himself and continued.

"Stop it! Let him go!" I demanded again just as I had before, feeling the same tug and exhaustion from the command. Another pause, then the doctor retrieved the keys from the side and just like that, he released Toby. It took me forever to realise what I'd done. His eyes were vacant, void of enjoyment as they had been when carrying out these vile acts. Toby sat up slowly, still stagnant with fright. Just like I'd discovered I could push thoughts, not only read them, I was now finding there was more still to this new power. Could I have made him stop all this time? I couldn't even think about that- I needed to put my energy into getting him away from us and I hoped there was enough. I was so tired.

"Destroy your research. Burn it all and stand in the flames" I ordered. A more potent convulsion of fatigue overtook me so much so that it was difficult to keep my eyes open. Vance paced away into an adjoining room and I let out a breath I'd been holding. Toby scurried to unbind me but even when my wrists were free, I didn't have enough left in me to stand. He tried to yank me up, but I just couldn't.

"Toby, you have to go" I said. He shook his head, frowning.

"You saved me. I can't leave you here, it isn't right" He said, holding my hand properly this time. I rubbed his arm.

"There is no time now. Please Toby, please go, be safe" I begged. His eyes glistened. The wounds on his chest were already closed. If I could save him, this wouldn't have been for nothing. I could be consoled in the knowledge I'd done my job, I'd got him home.

"I will get help, I will get help" He said, running off in another direction. I started to smell faint whispers of smoke and it told me that my orders to Vance had been carried out. I didn't have the energy to contemplate morality, but I did think about the man they said I'd killed on the roof. I don't know why, maybe because I'd never seen him do anything bad like I had Vance.

I knew I should feel warm, given the flicking of orange flames in the corner of my eye, but I felt colder than ever and…. lost…. adrift like I was floating on a raft in the middle of the sea.

In the smoke, finally, I saw Frank's face. It was as bloody as ever which was alright. I knew I'd see his face before I went, and this was who he was- a man always dripping from the blood of his enemies.

"Karen! Karen!" He was being so loud, and I was trying to rest now.

"Shhh Frank, it's ok" I assured him, smiling but letting my eyes close. I felt pain as I was lifted out of the cloud of smoke and taken somewhere else. This was it now, I can finally leave that room. I hoped Frank would forgive me, that I never kept my promise that I wasn't leaving anytime soon. I closed my eyes, but Frank was being loud again, so I couldn't nestle in the darkness that called out to me. I smelled the fresh air and Frank's smell which I would happily choose over fresh air. I would always know his smell. Soon, I was put on flat on my back, so I tried to rest again. I began tilting into the dark but his voice rung inside my ears.

"Karen! Fight, do you hear me? Fight this" He pleaded. He sounded upset, I didn't like that he was upset so I kept my eyes flickering open to make sure he was ok. I heard him talking but not to me.

"She saved me but there was nothing I could do" A boy's voice sounded. It was familiar, but I couldn't pull up a name for him. Soon I was in Frank's arms again, his arms were like no one else's. It must be his arms. There was shouting, noises, voices so loud and beeping but I all I cared about was Frank, he sounded so afraid. I wanted to go to him, to protect him but something held me down. There was a sharp pain in my arm, it was happening again. I thought it was over, please don't let me go back.

Instead of the pain increasing, a peaceful release of any feeling in my body happened. This was it, it had to be because the agony was gone. I was tilting, slipping but before I did, I felt him. A hand on my face, lips on my head.

 ** _You gotta find me Karen, just like when you made me find you in that dark. I'm sorry I was too late. God, I'm sorry._**


	8. Chapter 8- We Punish

**Hey everyone. I do apologise for the lengthy delay. Thank you to anyone who has commented or/or is following my work. My friend helped me with this chapters main drives so I got finally got it written. Please comment and tell me what you think. Thank you! - Red**

 **CHAPTER 8- WE PUNISH**

FRANK

Her blood was beginning to stain my skin and all I could do was watch it dry on my hands.

"Are you happy now? I fucking said that you'd get her killed but no… You liked how your ego was stroked, you took advantage of how she doesn't quit on people" Nelson screamed at me somewhere in the background, but I couldn't tear my eyes from the drying blood.

"Karen saved me" Toby said. I knew he was still here, but I'd lost him to the background as well. Everything but her, was background noise. Foggy knelt to talk into my ear as I sat there.

"She lost so much blood, her body went into shock. Her heart stopped. Funny, four minutes doesn't sound a long time until it's the time a person you love was dead. That with the swelling on her brain, they can't tell us how much of Karen will be left even if she does survive this"

My bloodied hands shifted until they were coiled around Nelson's throat. He squirmed, wide eyed as I throttled him up against the wall. "She's a stronger woman than you could ever understand"

I let him slouch to the floor, gasping for breath. Tears streamed down his face. "You couldn't just go could you" He relented. Toby helped him up.

"Karen was looking for me, no one made her. It wasn't his fault. I don't know her well, but I know she's not the kind of person who stand by when people suffer, if she can help it" Toby said. Foggy nodded his head and started pacing the hallway.

"Yes. Karen will always so that, but she was worse when you were around, Frank. You made her reckless, practically giving her a master class on it and then when she did need you…..you didn't get to her in time. You weren't fucking there"

There was silence. Toby was tense, waiting for me to respond but my eyes drifted to the glass window. Auburn hair tangled in wires and tubes. Bruises became her casing. Stitches were weaved into so much of her skin, the doctors attempt at putting her back together.

"I know"

The fourth day came slowly, just as the ones before. David had set up a camera to my phone, so I could keep an eye on Karen from the roof after visiting hours ended. It also came in handy when police started sniffing around and I needed to stay out sight but still be close. I sat in one seat that faced the window looking into her room, just watching as doctors and nurses fuss over her. Toby and his mother left flowers and an open card at her beside with 'thank you' on the cover. When they came out, Toby's mother said something.

"A card will never be enough but…nothing I could ever do would be enough….to say thank you, you know?"

Nelson came and went three times. Each time he took her hand and spoke to her. I wondered if the mess of his head would be sent through to Karen. I hoped that little asshole wasn't stressing her out if she could hear his thoughts. She never moved, she never even twitched. I waited for that flick of her fingers or flutter of her eye lids, but it never came.

The sun was going down and the hospital was getting quiet.

Footsteps trailed closer and then stopped. He took the seat next to me, both of us watched Karen silently.

"Hey Red"

Matt was busted up bad. He looked tired, not just his body but behind the eyes, something that wasn't as easily replenished. We sat silently for a while.

"Is she?"

"It's bad…but she's fighting"

He tipped his head to one side "Yea, that she is. Her heartbeat is strong"

"Where you been Red?" I asked. Her took his glasses off and folded up his stick.

"I…. was feeling sorry for myself somewhere. Then I heard" Karen room was getting darker and the lamp at her beside lit one side of her sleeping face.

"I didn't get there in time" My voice cracked. He turned his head to look at me, but I kept my eyes on her.

"You love her" He said. His voice was almost a whisper.

"She's sees the ugliest parts of me Red. Karen sees them all, every fucked-up speck and she still won't cut me out. What right does a man like me have, to be loved like that?" I said. I rubbed my head with both hands, trying to scrub the thoughts away. Could she hear thoughts still? Did she hear my last words to her?

"I will look out for her Frank. I know now, that I can't keep them safe by pushing them away" He said. So, this was it. Matt fucking Murdoch swans back in from the dead-beyond and I have to accept it. For her, I have to go. There's nothing I could give her that would ever be good.

"I won't leave until she's awake. She'll hunt me to the end of the earth if I don't say goodbye" It was easier to put it that way, than admit that I'm terrified she wouldn't live through this. Before I leave her, I needed to see her sit up and hear her shout her lungs at me for going again…. And it would be worse because it would be the last time we'd get to fight with eachother. Matt handed me a piece of paper, hesitantly. I looked at the address scribbled down there.

"Just this once…. I'm….I'm going to let you handle this one"

"What's this meant to be?"

"After catching up with the situation, I found those responsible for this. And the one that…..did this to Karen, he got out of the fire alive"

"What the fuck did you just say?" My feet hit the floor as I stood. Adrenaline began pumping life back into my sleep-deprived body and I couldn't stop moving around.

"He's burnt up pretty bad but alive. Just this once, for her. I find you killing after this Frank, I will deal with you myself"

"Yea, whatever you say Red" I went up to Karen's window.

"You have to go now, before they move on"

"I….I have to go and see her first. You leave her side and I swear I will shoot you in the head again" I said. He smirked at me, shaking his head.

"Five minutes with her Frank and then I will go sit with her" He said. I pulled down and handle and moved into the room.

"Oh, and Karen can read minds now, just so you know"

I sat next to her in the still room. She was pale, and it seemed wrong to have so many tubes dripping from one person. I took her hand in mine as gently as I could.

 ** _Karen. Now would be a good time to let me know if you can hear me. You know, the way only we can talk to eachother._**

Nothing.

 ** _I'm here but I gotta go. I gotta make sure the people who hurt you are put down. Everything they are doing, has to be stopped- permanently. I will come back to you and then you will come back to me, do you hear me? I couldn't get to you in time, but I can do this Karen. I love you and I am sorry._**

"I love nothing else" I whispered into her ear. I kissed her head. I smoothed back her hair and then I pulled myself away. Somehow, I pulled myself away.

KAREN

 _Frank! Frank! Is that you? Where am I? What's happening? Frank I can't see anything, it's dark. Frank? Why can't you hear me?_

 ** _I'm here but I gotta go. I gotta make sure the people who hurt you are put down. Everything they are doing, has to be stopped- permanently. I will come back to you and then you will come back to me, do you hear me? I couldn't get to you in time, but I can do this Karen. I love you and I am sorry._**

 _Fuck. Frank don't leave me. I don't know what's happening._

I knew I'd heard him in my mind and that I couldn't open my eyes no matter how hard I tried and that was all I understood. That was until I heard something, not in my own head but in my ear. It was Franks gravel whispering to me and I could even feel his warm breath on me. I felt like this meant I was returning to something more real and tangible, that I would soon find the control of my body in this darkness.

"I love nothing else" Frank Castle's declaration of love with own voice, not just a ghost in my head. Clearly, I must be dead.

A sense of dread hit me at what could what his confession could mean. I didn't know if I was dying but I knew I would follow him anywhere, anytime. I thought of his face, his voice, his lips. I thought of being inside him; his soul, his mind, his memories and every horror that haunted him was also mine. This was the place I wanted to be.

Brightness came into view, colours and light and moving, I'm moving but I can't feel my legs or anything else. I can see a long, white hallway. Then I hear Frank's voice.

"Remember…"

"Yes, I know. I won't leave her. Besides I've got time to make up" Matt was there, staring at me. He was there, broken and bruised but alive. He was here, talking to Frank. I lifted my arms to hug him and for a minute I did. At least, arms wrapped around him but they weren't mine.

"What the hell was that?" Matt asked. I felt so confused. Frank 's voice came again but I didn't know where from.

"Erm. I don't know. I'm gonna go" Frank said. I turned back to look through a pane of glass. A window, looking into a room full of flowers and a girl in a bed. It took me longer than it should have to recognise myself, I was more broken then Matt. I didn't look like the same woman. When my eyes focussed outward, I saw a reflection in the window. Frank's face echoed in the glass…

I was inside his head and he didn't know.

My first thought was panic, how do I get out of someone else's body! Frank would hate this, he didn't like it when I peaked in his thoughts unexpectedly, but this was difference. I was a part of him, looking through his eyes, feeling what he felt. Calm down Karen, it could be worse, you could still be in the darkness, not knowing if there was ever a way out. You could be blind or stuck in a battered body waiting for Frank to come back. This way, I was with him even if he couldn't know that.

He looked down at a scrap of paper, exiting the hospital and driving in a direction. Why couldn't I hear his thoughts if I was already swimming around in his head? I wanted to talk to him, but every attempt was ignored. I was just hear for the ride, whatever that was.

It wasn't until I saw the glint of copper I knew where he'd driven us. We were at the water tower, where everything changed. Frank climbed up the ladder and in through the hatch. It didn't take him long to assemble a mass of weapons and ammunition on his body. He wore his bullet proof vest and a fresh set of clothes under it. It was all frantic. He must be sparse on time. Just before he turned to leave with a duffle bag loaded with extra guns, he turned. I wanted to ask what he was doing because he just stood there.

He stepped over to the bed. He was thinking about that night, he must be, just like I was. He pressed a pillow to his face to inhale the scent. That was the one I slept on. If we get through this, I'm taking Frank back to this tower. I'm tired of snatched moments of affection between the fear and exhaustion.

I couldn't close my eyes because my eyes were his eyes and he stared straight into the gaze of the men he killed. The first guard he'd come across he'd hit him so hard I could hear the crack of his jaw. The second and third took bullets to the chest. The fourth tried to run but Frank shot out his knee and struck him with the end of his gun. If I was in my body, I was sure I would have puked by now. There was so much blood and screaming. How could do this all the time? Just seeing it was maddening. More then that, how could he take enjoyment from it?

We were in what seemed like a manor house and Frank left Carnage in his wake all the way to the roof where two men sat in a helicopter. One was wrapped in white bandages, burns scarring his face. Shock hit me like ice down my spine. Even disfigured, I'd never forget that face. It's the face in the darkness. It's the face that will taunt me if I do live. I know that much.

"You're not getting away" Frank said to himself. He took a grenade from his strap and pulled the pin. Before I could comprehend what he was doing, his arm mounted a full swing. The grenade nestles into the open helicopter. There were seconds of nothing, then two men throwing themselves from the air craft. Frank squatted behind the first solid thing he could find. Then fire and metal rained down on everything. The bulk of it and the poor pilot both descended over the side of the building and buried into the grass on the ground. The noise was the worst thing, it felt like it was cracking open Frank's skull. When he gained his senses, he dragged the two men into down to a lower floor.

Once they were bound, he did things to them that were scarily similar to what Vance subjected me to. He made them scream again and again. Just as I had screamed. And everything he did to them over minutes that stretched like hours, he hadn't asked a single question.

"It was a project. Dr Vance needed this experiment to work to get the funding to produce on a larger scale" The one said. He seemed to be an assistant to Vance and desperate for Frank to stop torturing him.

"Shut your mouth…" Vance spat to his assistant. Frank knocked the front row of Vance's teeth from his gums.

"Go on…." Frank pressed.

"Defence, against the alien invasion. We need to have their powers to defend ourselves"

"Inhumans?" Frank said. He nodded.

Vance spoke up again "Scum. We needed humans to compatible with their abilities. Terrigen crystals only ever killed humans and I was the one to isolate the components and make it compatible with human DNA- me. With this, we can wipe them out"

"By…becoming them?" Frank asked, almost amused.

"The effects will be temporary! Our human DNA will not be tainted. I will distribute it worldwide" Vance yelled.

"The people you experimented on, they will return to normal and the abilities will wear off?" Frank demanded. When Vance didn't answer, he put a blade in his thigh. Once Vance stopped shouting nonsense he calmed.

"Now I see…. You're sweet on the bitch that burned my face off. Tell me, is she dead? I hope it wasn't too fast, just slow enough that you saw the light slip out. You know that's the best part….Punisher" He grinned with a bloody smile. Frank lost it, he sliced off an ear from Vance as he screamed into the air.

I wanted to tell Frank that I was alright, I was there with him. To console him but I still couldn't connect.

"Will the abilities wear off!?" Frank demanded.

"They are experiments, not the final product. Their condition is highly unpredictable. They could lose their abilities like flicking a switch or they could have them forever. There was no chance to properly test" The assistant said. To properly dissect and analyse he means. I know, I still felt the cuts and the needles. Frank put a gun in the assistant's mouth.

"Your going to tell me who wanted to buy and fund this….twisted research and your going to do that now" Frank said. The assistant was sweating, and he gave one terrified nod. He cut the bonds and he scratched down a small paragraph of writing.

"That's everything we know about the organisation and the executive manager we were dealing with. I swear, I….that's everything"

I knew what was coming but this man didn't. He let one scream before Frank's bullet became acquainted with his bran. Then Frank picked up the paper and crumpled it into a pocket. He went face to face with Vance, looking into his bloodshot eyes.

"I've been trying to think of what would be enough for you. Of what I could do to you that she would approve of. She had this rule you see, don't kill them, not if they don't need to die….and this is the day I finally listen to her"

Listen to me? That's exactly what I wanted. I wanted Frank to ruin Vance's hands, to break them so badly he could never hurt anyone with them again.

"If my friend Billy taught me anything, it was that sometimes, death isn't always enough punishment" Frank strung out Vince's bound arms across a coffee table and proceeded to cut of each of his fingers one by one. Vince pleaded and begged just like…..

"Just like you made her cry for you to stop huh?" Frank finished the job, leaving bleeding stubs for Vance to scream and bellow at.

"Vance, she's alive and she's going to destroy you. She's going to expose your failed projects. You live because she gets to decide how you'll be punished"

Frank had left him unconscious and he was making his way out of the grounds.

 _I'm so proud of you Frank._ I told him, knowing he couldn't hear me. There was a pause, Frank stood still.

"I know your there. I can feel you"

He can feel me.

"I could feel you ever since I kissed you at the hospital Karen. Like that night when we…we were one person…like that feeling"

I felt tears down my face, which meant I could now feel my face. Very slowly, but by bit, my body began to stir, back in the hospital room.

 _Find me now. It's time to come back to eachother Frank._

"You're waking up" He smiled, relief washed over him, lighting up his face. Even when we could use words, we knew exactly how to find eachother.

 _Yes Frank. Yes._

Frank started to run through the field. Smoke and sparks still lingered around the air as he ran. His heart pounded in his chest because he was coming back to me. There was a stabbing pain from behind. It wasn't me, it was Frank. Frank had been hit and was falling into the grass. As he looked up, he saw teams of uniformed people surround him. Frank tried with every bit of strength of his and mine we could gather but another shot rang out. Somewhere far away I was screaming in a hospital bed but here I was silent. I could do nothing. The last thing I saw through Frank's eyes was Foggy standing with a group of FBI agents, looking down at us.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you everyone who has encouraged me with this story! It's close to a finish I think so not long now. - Red.**

CHAPTER 9- Distance

"Frank!" I screamed, opening my eyes. The light hurt my eyes from the early morning. I clawed at the tubes, ripping them out.

"Hey, hey, stop. Karen you have to stop" Matt said, holding both my hands. I looked at his face, every bruise and cut were in the same place as I had seen them through Frank's eyes. Which meant my fucked-up body share with the punisher wasn't some delirious dream.

"Matt" My voice cracked as his name left my lips.

"Karen, I'm sorry"

I pulled my hands away and scrambled up the bed. A hundred stabbing pains acquainted themselves with me. "Don't move, there's a lot broken and bruised"

"I fucking know Matt, I was there" I snapped. "You gave Frank the address. You and Foggy set him up." I have may have been battered but the pieces only fit together one way. His silence was the answer. My head was ringing, my body throbbing, I was nauseous and now I had to deal with the fact that Matt had set up Frank.

"Wait, how…Look, we made a deal. The FBI would chase after the organisation who has been investing in experimental research and they will shut them down, but they wanted the punisher in their pocket"

"You piece of shit"

"Karen, it's where he belongs. You said to me once that jail is where he probably belongs" Matt poured some water and passed it to me. "You need to drink"

I knocked the damn thing from his hands and it shattered against the wall.

"That's where Electra belonged, and you let a building fall on top of your fucking head so she wouldn't be alone. Don't use my words against me Matt. According to the law that you built your career on, you and I should be behind bars alongside Frank."

"What does that mean?"

"It means we've both sought our own justice that lacks a system. Now Frank is alone and everyone from all sides will want him dead" I said, pulling the covers away.

"There's nothing you can do now Karen. All you'll do by trying to leave is hurt yourself. You need to rest and heal" He said, trying to get me back into bed. I pushed his hands away and he stepped back.

"You don't know what I can do Matt, not anymore. You never did" I said. I got up and he was just about to press the alert button on the side of my bed.

"Stop" I told him. His fingers froze. He didn't understand yet. I didn't understand how, but I knew now that I could make anyone stop and that I would to get to Frank. He'd come for me every time. He'd brought me back from that place, where I almost slipped away.

I got out of bed, swallowing the pain. Willing the pain to lessen so I could walk. Vertigo hit me a few times as I took Matt's long coat from the arm of a chair and wrapped it around myself. Matt started to move again, turning toward me.

"He will never choose you over killing people" Matt said. I stopped. The ice cold, sober honesty of it all hit me all at once.

"You know what's interesting. You, tell me of how Frank Castle wants people dead, but you know they won't put him in cell Matt. You know they will send him off to die without a second thought" I said. Matt rubbed his face roughly, he had no response and I didn't want to hear one.

"You're going to let me leave and you are going to stay here" I ordered. A little successful tug pulled at me. It left me winded and it only added to the pressure that was building on my head. I turned to the door, opening it but before I left, I looked at Matt's disappointed face.

"How could you stay in that building with her Matt?" My eyes filled with tears again. He reached out for my face, but he let his hand drop. There was nothing he could do.

The door opened but the latch was on still. "Karen?!" Toby yelled, throwing the door open wide once it was off the latch. He let me lean on him as he led me into his mother's house.

"Hi Toby. I need your help. I'm sorry to ask, I really am but I had no one else…." I trailed off, thinking about my words. I didn't have anyone else, but Frank did. He told me about Micro, he could help if I could find him.

"Your….awake and here, out of the hospital. Karen you look terrible, I'll call an ambulance"

"No. No Toby, I can't go back there. Frank needs me, he's in trouble. Can you drive?" I asked him. He shook his head, worriedly. I took a deep breath, I needed something for the pain but I couldn't think of anything that would touch this.

"I have car. I will drive you wherever you need to go Karen" Toby's mother said, rushing to her side.

"Thank you, Mrs Preston,"

"Please Karen, please be careful and let me know if you need anything else. Are you sure that's all I could do?" Mrs Preston asked as we pulled up by the curb.

"You've fed, clothed and transported me Mrs Preston. You've done so much. Go and be with Toby and try and get your lives back" I said. She rushed around my side of the car and helped me out. I groaned when I got out of the car, feeling something tear but trying to contain myself so she didn't worry.

"Karen. Thank you, for all of it. For bringing him home to me, more than once" She said. She brushed tears from her face and went into hug me. When she was gone, I made my way to the front door. This had to work, I didn't know what I was in for here, but it had to work. This was the last shot because I was running of steam and rapidly.

I knocked on the door and waited. I knocked again, and a woman came to the door. She was pretty and blond, but she had cautious eyes. "Who are you?" She asked. I held the doorframe for support. Dark spots were dotting my vision.

"I'm….I'm err…Karen Page. I…" I clutched my stomach, waiting for the nausea to pass. I clearly had the concussion from hell. I felt the woman's arm around me as she helped me into her home and settled me on her sofa. I managed to catch my breath now I was sitting down.

"Karen Page….why is that familiar?" The woman asked.

"I'm Franks…friend" I said. Her eyes widened.

"I don't want anything to do with his trouble Karen. My children are upstairs" She said.

"I'm sorry. I needed to talk to Mr Lieberman. Frank's been taken and he's in big trouble Mrs Lieberman. I had trouble of thinking of anyone who would help me save Frank" I admitted. She smirked and it broke some of the tension.

"I will call my husband. Frank, well, we owe him" She said. I sighed in relief. She called him and assured me he was on his way. I hoped she hadn't just called the police and any minute I would be getting dragged away. At this moment I hadn't the energy to worry that much.

"What happened?" She asked. So much has happened, things that people wouldn't easily believe.

"The state I'm in has nothing to do with Frank. He actually saved my life" I explained, figuring that's what she really wanted to know.

"Why aren't you in the hospital?"

"He doesn't have anyone else"

"You are close then?"

"We have been lately. Besides, that's what we do. We show up for eachother" I said. I remembered all the times I'd seen him blast through people so come and save me from the stupid shit I'd gotten myself into. All the times I thought I was going to die….. Frank had brought me back from somewhere close to death, just by the sound of his voice and his touch and the way nothing stopped him from finding me.

"David told me about that time he made him look up that bomber because he threated you" She recalled, thoughtfully. I couldn't help but smile.

"Yea…"

The door swung open and a man with a head of curly brown hair and big eyes rushed in. He stared down at me.

"I've just heard. Franks being held by the FBI. I've already called my contacts there but it's out of their hands. It's nice to finally meet you Miss Page" David said, looking me up and down concern.

"I can get him out. I just need to know where he is" I said. They both looked at one another.

"You should rest for a while, Karen" David said.

"Look, I know I don't look like much help right now. Broken and bleeding over your cushions, but I can save him. Please David, just find where he is. You don't have to do anything else" I said. Micro sat next to me on his sofa.

"Ok, but I'm not hacking anything here. I have a place, that's untraceable. I keep my stuff there in case of emergency. Karen, while I am gone please rest, have a nap, catch up on some tv just please don't die. Frank would lose his shit" He said. His wife shot him daggers.

"Karen, I will clear one of the kid's rooms out for you to stay in until your up to this insane rescue mission"

"I won't be staying long. Frank doesn't have long. Everyone will be gunning for him"

"If he gets the death penalty it will take years…."

"A lot of people want him dead. Last time he was attacked by an entire cell block" I sat up and winced.

"Frank will be more than capable of taking care of himself till we can get him out" David said. I hoped that was true, but he's now got more enemies than ever.

Sarah rubbed my arm soothingly. "Let's try and get you cleaned up. Some of your cuts have come open, I will get the first aid kit"

"Actually, if you point to the bathroom that would be great. I think I'm gonna throw up" I said. She helped me up the stairs and let me puke my guts up alone, which I was grateful for. Mrs Preston's soup didn't taste as good on the way up.

"I'm fine" I assured them. I was lying in Leo's bed. The room was all pink and girly and bright. David and Sarah stood in the corner of the room while Curtis checked me over.

"Karen, from a person that's treated war injured men- You need to go to the hospital. The swelling on your head is still there. You are far too pale which could mean anaemia as repercussion of blood loss and lack of eating which Sarah has told me you've not been doing enough of. Not to mention, these wounds need to be kept a close eye on for infection" Curtis said.

I ran my fingers through my hair. "You know what I need, I need David to brush off the dust on his hacking skills" I said.

"Hey, I'm trying but they are keeping the records tight or possibly using non-digital ones. They must already know he was associated with a hacker- me- and me doesn't want to push too hard because me wants to stay a free man with a beautiful family and a sweet vanilla life"

It's been seven days since Frank was taken. David had brought Curtis back with him the first day and that was a good thing because I'd passed out in the bathroom. Luckily it wasn't quite so comer-y as the last time and I'd recovered with a drip and some reapplied stiches form Frank's marine friend.

Seven fucking days and we had nothing. The ones who had Frank weren't taking any chances. His location had a tight lid on it and it was driving me insane.

"I know. I'm sorry"

"Don't be sorry, just be still. Stop trying to do things you aren't able to do" Sarah said. Days with them and I knew they were good people. The kind that Frank trusted and that was something. I did wonder how hard it must have been for him to be around them though. They had a son and daughter just like he did, so it must have been painful for him. Or maybe working to reunite them made him heal, even if it was the smallest bit. I wanted to ask him.

"Thank you, Curtis, for checking up on me" I said. He gave me a warm smile. I saw so much of Franks mannerisms in Curtis, the ways soldiers move, how they position themselves and those same wide eyes that might never truly know rest again.

"Here. Take these. You're still losing blood because you won't give your body chance to heal itself" He handed me iron tablets and antibiotics- he'd been topping me up with them in case one of many wounds became infected.

"It is better…. some" I assured. He stared at me with one eyebrow raised. "I'll take them"

When they let him out, David came back up to sit with me. We felt the same obligation to keep Frank safe, we both had a loyalty to him that we couldn't explain to anyone else. "I am trying"

"I'm just frustrated. I wish there was something I could do but I'm stuck like this, fucking useless" I said. I put my face in my hands.

"You aren't useless. You are trying everything you can think of…." David said. My head popped up and I stared at him. "What?"

"Everything I can think of. I'm such an idiot. I've done it before….but not with the distance…. I don't know if it's even…but I can try"

"What are you talking about?" David questioned.

It was dark, I lay down in the bed and I closed my eyes. I thought of Frank's broken nose, his bruised eyes, his smile, his dark eyes that had witnessed more than one person every should. I thought of the way it felt to be in his mind, to be moving under his skin.

 _"_ _Karen?_... I feel you" He said. It was Frank. This wasn't the way it was when I was unconscious. I could feel his body and mine. I knew my body was warm, but Frank's wasn't. He was cold and isolated. There were no voices other than his and nothing to grasp around him. There was nothing I could use to find him. No faces of guards or signs or colours of a jumpsuit. Fuck.

 _I'm coming Frank._

"You're afraid, I know you are. It's over, I want it to be over. Let go"

I snapped back fully into my body. Has he just pushed me out? What the hell happened.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10- Submerged

Sometimes when it was dark, I would wake up thinking I was in the water tower and I would reach for her.

On those nights, when I would forget, and I would look for her without meaning to, she'd find me. I'd feel her in my head, she was worried. I wouldn't speak to her anymore, I wouldn't even acknowledge her and that would set alight a rage that didn't belong to me. I knew rage and Karen's was sweeter, it came from a place of compassion. It was so far from my state, she never understood that. The last time she found me, she was unusually still. I knew she was with me but there was a quiet to her emotions to which I hoped was acceptance. Like I'd asked of her. Only, when I felt her leave me, did I notice that my shirt was wet. I'd been crying, her tears.

The beatings, chaining, the solitude of my square of imprisonment, that was nothing. Not that those guards knew to how to cause someone pain. I'd show them if I ever got the chance and give them a lesson in enjoying torture. No, it was her eyes in my dreams, her disappointment in me that stirred me from sleep. I'd have dreams and I wouldn't know if they were just that or if she was with me. Visiting me but in the unguarded place of sleep where I couldn't shut her out. Locking her from my mind was like submerging myself under water and allowing all senses to dampen. When I come back up, she is gone. This time I'd woke from a dream that had felt too real.

She was sobbing, curled up on one side and her arms wrapped round her middle. Only when I held her, did she become quiet. Her body untensed inside my hold and the blackness seemed to cushion around us. We crossed the lines that made us two people and all thoughts, and all pain became a shadow on the wall of our identity. We could see it but no longer feel it and nothing else, but the warmth. Her heartbeat thudded against my chest.

The beep of an open door woke me. Two guards muscled in and told me to get off my ass. That time again, for a beating- or their attempt at one. But instead they took me to a room I hadn't seen before. It was small, enclosed and there was an adjoining doorway at the back. They ushered me to a chair and left the silent room with no explanation.

I wondered what they were planning, some new way to try and punish me that lacked any real vision, do doubt. The door opened and colour hit the lifeless room as Karen strides through it. She sits opposite me with an intense eyes and flawless face. As I looked closer, I noticed the dark circles under the makeup and how her cheekbones had become more pronounced. She tapped her fingers rhythmically on the table.

"Mr Castle."

I cleared my throat. "Wasn't aware they let people visit in here."

She nodded slowly. "What can I say, there is nothing that pisses off a reporter like ignore them."

As she shifted in her seat, she chimed. I caught a glint of metal clashing behind her coat. I stood and backed away. "Go home Karen." I demanded. She laughed, humourlessly. I looked at the camera in the corner of the room and back at her.

"You were well hidden, took me weeks to find you but I did."

"Why?"

"Why!" She stood with clenched hands. "That is what we do, we come back to eachother."

"You listen to me. They will lock you away. You need to get your ass out of this place." I said. She rounded the table.

"Not this time. I've come too far Frank. Done things to get here and I'm not tucking my tail between my legs because you tell me to."

My cuffs dug into my skin. "What have you done?"

"You pushed me away. Everything we have been through and you are still leaving me out in the cold you selfish bastard."

"You woke up in the hospital- again!"

"I have had enough of you taking responsibility for the worlds evils. Bad things happen, maybe it's time you should stop whining about it." Her arms crossed.

"You are the most annoying woman I have ever known," I said. Her lips tugged at the edges. She grabbed my wrists and pulled a collection of keys from the jacket. When the cuffs clicked open my lips were on hers and I wasn't sure who initiated it.

"Right. Let's go." She pulled me by the hand.

"What are we going to do, take the main entrance?" I said sarcastically.

"Back gate."

"Have you lost the small sense of self preservation that you had to begin with?"

She shrugged. "Was never born with a shred."

"Explain a lot."

We walked through the hallway. I kept my head down but Karen waltzed in front openly. She was acting different. What had she done now? The woman was going to be death of me.

We walked past a doorway. A man inside squeezed his eyes shut when he saw Karen. "Come on," She told me. When we reached the gate it was propped open, waiting for us.

"How many people have you got in on this."

"You should know, we can only count on eachother when it comes down to it."

"You did all of this?"

She ignored me. When we turned through the exit gunfire shot into the air. I pulled her back behind the wall as the bullets kept flying.

"This is what happens when you try to organise a one-woman prison break!" I yelled.

"For a shoot first kind of guy you talk a lot."

The guns slowed and at the top of her voice Karen began to shout, "We surrender into your custody willingly. We are not armed" Before putting her hands on her head and dropping to her knees. We were dragged out and thrown to the ground. What a shit show.

Armed officers pointed weapons at us. One came over to Karen and held out some cuffs.

"Karen Page, we have been looking for you. You have the right to remain silent but anything you do say…"

"I do have something to say" She said.

"Karen, be quiet and do what they say." I pleaded. The officer stood her up and clicked the cuffs in place.

"Officer, please collects all the weapons" She said. She addressed the loaded crowd. "You will give him your weapons, put your hands on your heads and allow us to leave." I knelt, unable to take my eyes from her as each person did as she asked. Her face paled and she grasped at her stomach. I wondered what it took out of her to do this.

We left with a duffle bag full of guns and confused, memory altered officers in out review mirror. We drove in silence and I made a unspoken promise that I'd fix this.


	11. Chapter 11- The Chaos Inside

Chapter 11 – The Chaos Inside

The sunlight dwindled. The last puffs of light teased the ends of Karen's hair. We'd driven for miles and yelled throughout each one. Now we travelled in silence. I didn't know how to get through to her. Maybe I had never the ability to do that. Her will was the only thing I couldn't cut through. She'd gone too far for me and she'd been reckless with this power of hers doing it. She was supposed to move on. Leave me where I was because she knows I earned each bar on my cell. Instead she'd given everything to give me a freedom that wasn't mine.

We pulled up at the copper structure, familiar and immortalised since the last visit. Karen got out of the car and looked up at the water tower. Her waves twisted over her back in the wind. I stepped outside.

"Get your things. We won't be coming back," she said.

"Do you want to tell me what you got planned there? Letting me in on any of the details would be great."

"We have to keep going Frank. I did what I could to make the cops confused back there but they will be coming after both of us. We have to leave," she said. I shook her shoulders.

"You think we are going to stray into that rosy sunset with our wits and a duffle of guns. Karen that isn't you. You can go back, you have to," I said. She slammed her hands against my chest.

"I can't go back. Nothing will change what is happening to me Frank. So, get your fucking things before I make you." There was a fire in her eyes and something more fragile- fear. I put my hands on her face. She was pale, worn out. Is this what loving me did to her? Is this what the thing inside did to her? I didn't know, I didn't want to know. Both were my fault.

"What happened since I saw you last?" I whispered. She winced at the question.

"The world got smaller." Is all she would say.

More weapons, clothes, medical supplies, camping gear. That was all I really had here. It would do. I'd travel with her to the next stop and if I couldn't convince her to turn back, I had my mind made up about what to do. She'd find me in a cell, but she wouldn't find me if I chose where to hide. I would leave her for the last time. It's the only thing I could do for her now.

She wouldn't agree to it so I wouldn't tell her. After all, haven't we had enough goodbyes. We didn't need another; I couldn't do another. I want her to hate me over it. She needs to recoil at my memory, at everything that happened between us and maybe then, she'd let me go.

Whether she crept in my head when my eyes were closed, or not, I would dream of her. Her smile, and her rage, her strength of which I could never possess- not that kind of strength. I couldn't check in on her or even see her in person again, but I'd always have that one night where the war had quietened inside of me.

"There is a motel up ahead." Karen said. We had made headway into the night.

"We should camp," I said. She looked over me with a scrunched-up nose. "Oh, did you think this life comes with a luxury package?"

"Hey, I am nothing if not adaptable," she said, nose in the air even in her clearly exhausted state.

We came to a site nearby and I set up the equipment. A small but neat black tent and some battery powered lights shrouded by trees was up quickly. Karen stood and watched me work with armfuls of a sleeping bag. She didn't waste any time. She settled down inside the tent. I sat beside her.

"All of this to share a sleeping bag with me Castle. Really, you've outdone yourself," she grinned, and it brightened the night. I couldn't help but smirk.

"No one could blame me."

She yanked me over to her and I indulged her. We held one another under the fleece. She was cold and I pulled her closer to me. I stroked her hair until my heart settled down. This is the last time I'd feel her on my skin.

"What does the power feel like Karen?" I asked. She tensed.

"Like someone decided to make my brain abstract," she said.

"Does it hurt?"

"No. Yes."

"Which?"

"Both."

"Karen."

"The more I use the power the more I feel like-." She tucked her head under my chin. "-Like it uses me. It can hurt but not always."

"Today?"

"Towards the end, it got difficult," she whispered.

"Fuck, Karen. Why did you bust me out?" I asked. She was starting to warm now.

"Matt and Foggy screwed you over. God knows where you would have ended up in that place. I couldn't leave you like that. Besides, being utterly, pathetically in love with someone normally translates in not wanting that person to suffer."

She hadn't said something I didn't already know but the words jolted me regardless. She was quiet, I was quiet. I took her hand. "I know," I told her.

I woke to Karen crying in her sleep in the dark. I could feel warm fresh tears on my bare shoulder.

"Shh," I soothed. She opened her eyes.

"I still look for you," she said. I wiped her face.

"You can stop looking now" She leaned in and kissed me. There was that same stillness that her lips brought, and I had to pull away before I lost myself there.

"Frank, please don't pull away from me. There is so little time" she pleaded. Her lips captured me, and her hands felt their way over my heart. I wanted to tangle myself in her silk locks, delve into her beauty and never come up to the surface again. I wanted to become each other's minds, to see the pictures that make up her life, gracing my head. I wanted her more then anything and yet I pulled away.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. In the darkness she held my face.

"I know your going to leave me," she said. I froze. "I'm not going back. I know that won't stop you. There are people that shouldn't see me this way."

"You can manage this. You can learn to live with this like Red has. He can help you. I don't know anything about control Karen" I said.

"I'm not here in this tent, on the run, for control," she said.

"Why are you here?"

"I want you. Not Matt, not anyone else."

"Why?"

"Frank, you know why."

"This isn't you. You don't give up."

She got up, ripped herself from the tent and ran. I followed her. I pulled her arm back.

"Leave me alone. Go fuck off if you want to leave that badly. Here's your chance Frank."

"You can't just mind-read me when you want."

"I haven't, I guess I'm just getting to know you well," she said. Tears filled her eyes.

"Everyone around me dies Karen. How much more proof of that do you fucking need" I shouted. The sound hit the trees. Then silence. Her eyes bored into me. That fear was there, consuming her. She wasn't telling me something. I knew that.

"I'm already dying Frank" she said. Silence. Nausea hit my stomach. The words wouldn't go down. The world got smaller. "I just wanted you safe and to be with you again."


End file.
